Is a High Self-Esteem in Children Self Destructive?

You may remember hearing the importance of teaching self-esteem to our children at school, home and church. Low self-esteem was blamed for many things including low test scores at school, teen pregnancies, drugs and violent behavior. School reformers spent millions of dollars trying to raise the self-esteem of students, in hopes of eradicating all the ills of society.

What is wrong with helping a person feel good about him or herself? What is wrong with encouraging? Nothing is wrong, unless that praise and encouragement are done in excess to the point of insincerity. What happens when kids, or adults for that matter, receive feedback that contradicts their favorable view of themselves? What happens when people think so highly of themselves that they feel others are not giving them the respect or attention they deserve? If they've been told that they are wonderful and great and not to let anyone tell them differently, they may act out when someone clues them in to their imperfections.

Studies of violent behavior show that high self-esteem is more associated with violence than is low self-esteem. Look back at one of the most horribly violent people in history. Do you think Hitler suffered from low self-esteem, or from an over-inflated view of himself and all those like him? Nazism was based on the idea that certain people were superior to others.

Too much emphasis on making kids feel great, no matter what, may lead to problems down the road. Kids deserve to know about their weaknesses, along with their strengths. They need to learn that they are loved, but that they, as well as everyone, have room to grow. Kids should be taught that not everyone will win, not everyone will get a prize. Yes, we need to stand up for ourselves when we are wronged, but we also need to be gracious losers and understand that sometimes, we will be the one who is wrong.