Sierra

She left about five years ago this month. We'd had problems with fidelity. But I'm ready now. I ran into an old friend of hers who gave me her address. I never thought I'd find her all the way out in the desert, where the city is made of gold. Las Vegas seemed a little too dramatic for Kim. She was never one for the crowds or stage and hated that I was the complete opposite: a professional musician without a full-time position.

I know she loved me once. Way before Las Vegas got into her head. She used to call me every day on her lunch break saying she couldn't wait to come home. Now she has a new home. An apartment. She has a little girl, too. I wonder whose she is. She might be mine. I don't even know her name. I don't deserve to. I wonder if Kim still smokes. Maybe she drinks when she thinks about me, or doesn't she need to drink. Does she have a new man who works a normal job? Leaving in the morning and coming back for dinner to talk about his day at the office, he gets to tell the girl her bedtime stories and kiss her good night. And an extra kiss for Kim.

What am I saying? She probably swore off men. She's raising her girl alone. It's just what she'd prefer. Kim was always tough. She was a bartender at Jacob's Pub back in Omaha, so she had to be. It was hard but she liked having that kind of responsibility. She started to hate when I perched down at the end of the bar.

"God damn it, Tim! Space!"

"What do you mean? I'm just hanging out, babe." I really should've been looking for a job like she wanted, but I'd rather just sit with her.

"I feel like I give you an inch and you want a house and a yard! This is getting to be too much."

What I did after that stopped her complaining about moving too fast and started her friends talking. It probably wasn't the best idea. I definitely wasn't in love with the other girl, but at least it felt good. Kim was no fool. Our time together grew shorter. We slept alone in the same bed.

"Hey," she whispered late one night.

"Yeah?"

"Are you asleep?"

"Nope," I said sitting up to face Kim.

"Can I ask you something?" She wasn't whispering anymore, but her mood was hard to figure out.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Are you cheating on me?"

"No, of course not!" I said.