Four Key Things I've Learned About Recovery from Incest and Sexual Abuse

After working my way through years of recovery from incest and childhood sexual abuse, and after working for several years in group settings with other sexual abuse survivors, there are four key things I have learned along the way that could be helpful to other survivors.

1) Facing the Truth

One of the most painful and difficult things to face is the truth about our abuse. For some, it will mean accepting, maybe for the first time, that they have been abused. For others, it will mean facing the truth that we did not remember everything that happened to us. Because so many abuse victims dissociate, those memories are shoved into the farthest recesses of our minds. It takes a lot of hard work to recover those memories and even more hard work and prayer to accept those memories as the truth of our lives.

2) Thoughts Become Barriers

As we grow up in abusive homes, our thinking becomes severely distorted. It is easy to understand how this happens, but it is not easy to untangle all the lies that we have been taught by our abusers, by the abuse itself and by our own twisted thinking that allowed us to survive in a very inhumane environment. These thoughts that are based upon lies become our truth. Once we understand that these lies are strongholds that need to be pulled down, we reach a new level of freedom.

3) Freedom Comes in Many Forms

Freedom comes in so many forms it is sometimes amazing to watch a survivor who sees the truth for the first time. There is such a feeling of joy and lightheartedness that overtakes the survivor.

Freedom to trust another human being is just huge. When we are able to allow others to come alongside us in this journey, we open the door to even more freedom. Allowing safe people into our world is so important. It is especially good to be in both therapy and a support group for a while so we can practice relating to people who have our best interest at heart. This is not an easy step and there will be a lot of "push-pull" along the way. Most people who are trained to work with survivors know this and are really good about staying in relationship through this period of upheaval.