Humor: Boys Wedges Self into Vending Machine

An AP headline screamed out at me recently. A boy stuck in a vending machine…not just stuck mind you. Rather, got stuck in the vending machine.

I'm double jointed - -which I've recently found out is just a sign that your muscles didn't develop properly. All these years you think being a gumby is an asset, then you find out you have a deformity. Well, I figured the kid was just really nimble and destined for a career in the circus.

Of course, the big question is why? Well, the answer is pretty clear: he's three years old, and they are really very wily characters. They look innocent enough. They look like they can’t tie their shoes. Then BAM, they’re jamming their arms into a vending machine. What’s more, contorting your body into a vending machine makes sense when your brain isn't totally developed...or if you've been at a frat party for more than a few hours.

Sure enough, the kid was on a mission from God, given his own limited view of the world. His mom wouldn't let him play with one of those claw machines, the ones grab toys after you put in your money. The ones designed for masochists and small children - -so he had to take matters into his own hands...and feet. He wanted a stuffed animal. You can see how it was bound to happen.

I have that child. I can't go to Denny's without my 17 year old holding vigil in front of their claw machine. He doesn't want the rubber monkey or the Sponge Bob doll. He picks out that one thing he has no hope of winning.

Okay, that's probably over analyzing for the 3 year old. For him, it probably was all about the Sponge Bob doll. But the odds of him winning one on his own are about as high as me volunteering to go on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

But mom said “no” on letting the 3 year old even attempt his quest for the holy grail. Now, for a three year old, that translates to: "as long as you don't get caught."
He didn't have money on him, and since mom wasn't caving, he did the next best thing. He climbed through the chute. Sort of. I guess if you get stuck it doesn't count as a win, huh? On the other hand, maybe the claw machine won a prize of its own.