The Chesterfield Hotel in Miami's South Beach: For Lovers, Gay and Straight

As you pull up to The Chesterfield Hotel in the 800 block of Miami's popular Collins Avenue, you will notice there is no parking lot here... even the meters along the street have little hoods on them. No worries, the nice valet will be happy to take care of everything for about 18 bucks. Hey, you're in South Beach, relax. Be happy.

Go on up those steps. Don't be stopping on the porch. Once you sit in those huge comfy couches you'll just never get back up so do go on and at least check in first. yeesh. Ok, you're inside the lobby now. Stop gawking. Oh hell, go ahead and gawk. I did. Then I burst into uncontrollable giggles as I pointed out the very big statue standing in the corner over there by the steps... Yeah, I do mean in that way. That statue does seem to have a death grip on it too...

The lobby doubles as a Safari Bar and so is themed thus. Wooden statues, tribal masks, animal prints, oh my. FUN! This place is a blast just to look at. They had a decorator with an outlandish, decadent sense of humor and it works delightfully well for folks like me. At night you can get free drinks at this bar if you show them your room key. Another major plus. And you can smoke in here. That's what I'm talkin' about! So sit and sip your free drink while trying not to glance at the nekkid wood dude in the corner. The plasma TV set to the Fashion Channel is a nice diversion...

Now you can either go up the curved stairs against the wall, or take the bizarre elevator up next to the bar. This is the smallest elevator I've seen... and it's padded in a grey. Seriously padded. Like, as in an institution room or something. Too bad we were only going up one floor, we may have tried out just how sound proof it was.