Hollywood Divorces Blamed on Stars

Karah-Leigh Hancock
kphancoc@valdosta.edu

Have you noticed recently some of the major Hollywood couples are ending their relationships and divorcing?

For example, just last week Britney Spears cancelled the credit cards and sent divorce papers to husband and former backup dancer Kevin Federline. The next day Oscar winner, Reese Witherspoon, announced her separation from husband Ryan Phillippe.

On top of those shocking break-ups, bad boy Bobby Brown and his wife, Whitney Houston are divorcing after 14 years of marriage. Also recently, Paul McCartney and his wife, Heather Mills, divorced and started World War III. So what’s to blame for the sudden rise in the divorce rate in Hollywood?

Two words… the stars. No, not the movie stars. Blame the stars up in the sky. You know, astronomy.

On Nov 8, the planet Mercury slid in front of the sun for just barely five full hours. Nov 8 was the same day that Reese filed for divorce and the day after Britney filed.

Transits of Mercury only happen 13 times a century.

This rare occurrence in our solar system is the cause of one of Hollywood’s power couples ending their romance. Thankfully, it’s also the reason two of Hollywood’s most screwed up couples are putting an end to their rotten marriages.

Fans, relatives, producers, directors, tabloids and reporters have been begging Whitney and Britney to dump their low-life “better halves.” Do you think it’s an odd occurrence that their names rhyme? I think not. It was written in the stars that this would happen and not their stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Too bad we can’t blame astronomy for Kevin Federline’s poor record sales.

There is some question as to whether Mercury’s transit across the Sun was the cause of Jude Law’s and Sienna Miller’s breakup, but most people don’t care.

Around the world, fans are crying over Ryan and Reese ending their storybook romance. Yet, Britney’s and Whitney’s families are cheering that their girls have dumped the pathetic men in their lives.