5 Things Not to Talk About on an Airplane

I have never flown on a plane. I am already moderately afraid of heights, a little claustrophobic, and I never travel. I don't want to be on a plane. If my feet have to be off the ground, I'd rather it be because I'm on a swing, thank you very much. But there are a couple things worse than a fear of heights or closed spaces to keep me from enjoying a plane ride. Among them are stupid conversation topics and stupid passengers who initiate said stupid conversations.

Let's face it; there are just certain things you shouldn't talk about in certain places. You don't talk about the movie IT on a child's first trip to the circus. You don't talk about the recent tomato issues or that slice of pizza you ate off a dirt road to someone you know is, or might be, verminophobic (that is, afraid of germs). And so, naturally, there are just some things you should not talk about on a plane. People are scared enough; there's no need to be the one to terrify a first-time-- or even frequent-- flyer with thoughts of incompetent pilots, plane crashes, or a monster at 20,000 feet (that's right). Let's look at just five things you might want to avoid talking about with your seat-mate the next time you hop a plane somewhere:

Lost
Sure, Lost may be a lot of people's favorite television show. The girls love Sawyer, Jack, and Desmond; the bad girls love Sayid. The guys love Kate, Sun, and, sure, why not, Juliet. Everybody loves Hurley. But does anyone really want to talk about a series about a plane crash during their own oceanic voyage? The answer is a definite . . . well, okay, maybe. Without a doubt there will be some people who want to argue over whether Kate should be with Sawyer or Jack. But there's also probably someone sitting not too far away having a minor panic attack into a brown paper bag at the thought of a random island somewhere that, if not properly magnetized by a half-crazed marooned guy, might suck your plane out of the air.