Top Ten Gift Ideas for Zombies

Talk about "hard to buy for." Zombies never shop for themselves and depend on the holiday season and your generosity. Here are 10 great suggestions for the special zombie on your holiday list.

Deodorant
That is pretty self-explanatory. Zombies stink. They are rotting flesh after all. Pick up a nice bottle of cologne, too. Go all out with the Old Spice gift set. There's nothing like getting you brain ripped out by someone who smells like Grandpa.

Sneakers
A zombie's feet hurt all the time. A good pair of Nikes would do well. They'd stop all that lumbering and stumbling. They might even get in a good run.

Clothes
Zombies never have new clothes. Their wardrobe is rotting as fast as they are. A nice velure track suit would be welcomed by any undead creature. It's easy to put on over chunks of hanging flesh and very comfortable. It also allows them to blend in at Walmart. A wandering zombie in a track suit is indistinguishable from any other Walmart shopper.

Godiva
Who doesn't like Godiva chocolate? Wonderful, truffle-filled bites of joy. Grab a box of Godiva's newest confection, Bits-o-Brain. Chunks of cerebellum covered in dark chocolate with just a hint of pecan. Yum!

iPod
You think zombies just spontaneously break into the Thriller dance? It takes hours of practice. Zombies only spend half their day ambling about eating people. The rest of their day is taken up with dance rehearsal. Give the gift of music so your special zombie won't be out of step at the next video shoot.

Magazines
A magazine subscription is always nice, but what do zombies read? Any of the supermarket-checkout-worthy publications, of course. Get the zombie on your list a subscription to People, Us, Oprah, The National Enquirer or The Star. Very few of the undead read National Review or The New Republic, but there are some. So know your zombie's taste. Pass on anything with recipes. Zombies don't cook.