Top 10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Bill Clinton

Former President William Jefferson Clinton turned 50 years old in 2006.  It was reported that he was very depressed about this event.  Perhaps it was because he realized his own mortality, or perhaps another event depressed him: The fact that his wife, Hillary Rodham Clinton, threw her hat into the 2008 Presidential Race right about the same time Bill celebrated his birthday.

Never fear, Bill.  You can make 2007 work for you, just by making and sticking to some New Year's Resolutions.  Here are 10 Resolutions that you should add to your list.

RESOLUTION #1:  I WILL STAY AWAY FROM THE LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW CIRCUIT.

When you appeared on the Arsenio Hall Show during your own race for President, it was really cool - especially to us Generation X-ers.  You were young, you were hip, and you wanted our vote - which ultimately put you into the Oval Office.  It was a great strategy.  However, now it's your wife's turn.  Let her make the appearances and run the campaign.  Don't help.

RESOLUTION #2: I WILL GET THE HECK OUT OF HARLEM.

Bill, we never accused you of being a racist.  Why would you get an office in Harlem after being turned away from an office in the heart of NYC?  What sort of statement were you trying to make?  Find someone to take over the remainder of your 10 year lease.  After all, you might be moving back to Washington, DC in 2008.

RESOLUTION #3: I WILL BE FAITHFUL TO MY WIFE.

A woman can only take so much, Bill.  Don't think that Hillary won't kick your cheatin' heart to the curb if you do it again. 

RESOLUTION #4: I WILL LEAVE THE INTERNS ALONE.

Your daughter, Chelsea, is 26 years old.  The interns in your office are younger than that, as are the interns in your wife's Senatorial office.  You've done a good job leaving them alone so far... Don't let it slip.