Religious Caffeine Drinkers Unite: Coffee with Your Creamer?

Java. Joe. Gimme a break!

Any home coffee brewer knows that what really matters is what goes in it.

And with so many people eager to save a penny, opting for wet creamer can be a concern. The old, dry powered stuff was good enough for dear old mom and dad. So why should flavor savory wet-creamer users be labelled as driven by egotism and snobbery?

Alas, there is a downside. The sort of a certain brand name - which hitherto will remain nameless - carries with it its own mess of complications. The savory liquid housed within the confines of its oddly shaped decanter unabashedly and quite mysteriously oozes over the sides of its inner screw-top lid. This, routinely, wrecks havoc with usability and desirability.
Sticky with its own juices, the sides of the vessel become a virtual breading ground for handprints which would rather remain undetected. Who put the creamer back last? Why isn't the top popped shut? A-ha! It was YOU, my coffee drinking friend. I knew I couldn't trust you with the good stuff! Get out of my house - get out at once, or I shall have no choice but to call the coffee police. You scoundrel! You cad! Go, now...I'm through putting up with you.

Remorse over one's rashness, as certain as the 3 a.m. jitters, sets in. Religious caffeine drinkers unite! Never be tempted by kindness or weakness to share your booty with anyone crass enough to call you greedy. You're protecting your modest investment by stashing it away behind the bottle of moldy spaghetti sauce no one's dared use in over three years. You're entitled to the secrecy such flavors of supremecy compel you to exercise.

If not for your compulsion to guard the lusty stuff with your life, all hell could and surely would break loose.
Hang the rope. Tie the noose. Let not a nary drop be set loose by anyone else in the household. Lest around the refrigerator they'd roost - eyeing your Toasted Almond creamer like a rabid dog eyeing its writhing prey.