Love on the Water

"My aim is not true", said Andy, "even when I'm not drunk. Something to do with my brittle bones".

"My bloody sister says boys' aims are never true", said Mike, "Your brittle bones aren't the cause".

"Your sister is hot!".

"June - hot? She's a bloody nuisance", he said as he began spraying the trough. "Hey! just imagine if the sea was rough and we were drunk - we'd be pissing all over the show!"

"Maybe that's why there's a big trough rather than the usual tiny wallpots here".

After 2 pints of lager had been shot at the metal, both boys shook. Neither wiped nor washed his hands.
~~~~~~~~~~

"Oi - who left a wheelchair here?".

"I did!", said a voice from the cubicle, "it won't go in here!".

"Well it's in the way of me doing me make up".

"Leave her alone", said another disembodied voice, "it'll be gone in seconds".

"Is that you June? I didn't realise. So is this Alice's chair?"

The sound of rolling paper and flushing toilets masked June's response, but then she appeared.

"Mary! I haven't seen you for years! Alice and I are having a quiet sea cruise".

"What? - across the Irish Sea?", said Mary, trying to emphasise her eyeliner while the boat swayed.

"Well - Alice almost lives on it and never goes anywhere, so I thought 'Why Not?'".

Alice appeared, looking radiant, hobbling into her chair. "No - I can do it, I'm used to it".

June and Alice shared a sink with difficulty and the latter found that she couldn't reach the blow dryer. "When they accepted me on board, saying it was designed for disabled, obviously they didn't expect me to dry my hands!"
~~~~~~~~~~~

June pushed Alice out of the Ladies, just as Mike and Andy appeared from next door. All four were tipsy amd all four felt the boat hit a wave, but Andy's brittle bones made him fall against Alice's chair.

"Sorry!", he said.

"Don't apologise to a girl!", said Mike.

"Don't mind Andy, he's got brittle bones!", said June, sarcastically.

"I have", he said "maybe I should share your chair".

At the same time as June started "you keep away you limpdick..." Alice said "if you like, big boy!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~

"He's not really that bad", said Andy of Mike, "he's just protecting me - and he's a bit drunk"