Keys to Overcoming the Victim Mentality

Recovery from childhood sexual abuse and incest takes a lot of time and a lot of understanding. Some of that understanding comes from other people who are willing to be patient with us as we work toward the goal of recovery. However, some of that understanding must come from within our own heart and mind. We need to understand the truth because in the end, it is truth that truly sets us free from the bondage of our past.

When we choose to live as someone besides a victim, we must cast aside that victim mentality that keeps us tied up in chains of fear, self-pity and longing for what we cannot have. Maintaining the thinking of a victim will cripple us. It sets up a barrier between us and others that says to people, "I'm afraid you will hurt me just as I've been hurt before."

On a natural and practical level, it is easy to understand how that thought process becomes set up in our mind. Once we have been so viciously betrayed and hurt, it is not easy to overcome the distrust that is a natural result of that kind of pain.

This is where Truth comes into play. There are some questions we must ask ourselves:

1) Is it true that every person I meet in life will betray and hurt me as my abuser(s) have done?

2) What is it that keeps me from being able to love others with an open heart?

3) If I turn loose of my hatred, rage, unforgiveness and self-pity, will my abuser(s) go free without paying any kind of consequences for their actions?

To answer these three questions, we must get quiet in our own souls and think in a much more realistic and rational manner.

1) It is easy to understand that not every person we meet in life will hurt us. It is also easy to understand that some people will hurt us and betray us on some level. That betrayal likely will not happen on the same scale and level as the betrayal of our abuse, but because we have already been hurt and betrayed on a grand scale, any hint of betrayal will cause that same huge pain to hit again. Being able to understand that this smaller betrayal is not the same, is the key to overcoming this barrier to forming good relationships.