New Year's Resolution Ideas for Paris Hilton

We all know the illustrious Miss Hilton as "One of the Hilton Sisters", or "that dippy one from The Simple Life" -or perhaps even "the Greek Heir's fiancee" (Pick any Greek Heir.) The tabloids are filled with crap about this lady's personal life—some of which she's proud to showcase herself. Controversy seems to be Paris' middle name. So with that in mind, I have a few New Year's Resolutions for her to think about:

1- "I will not make another album until I've had singing lessons."

Has anyone even heard this album? If not, consider yourself lucky. The hotel heiress prides herself on being a newfound pop princess. But the only thing that's popped is the bubble containing all her coy self-confidence. Clearly this lady should take a few vocal lessons, and learn to how sing above a whisper. It would also help if the production weren't manufactured in a multi-million dollar do-it-yourself laboratory.

2- "I will not become engaged until I've dated my guy for at least 2 years."

Really, I don't know what the magic number should be regarding the people that Paris Hilton seriously "dates." It seems however, that even though she's only been engaged twice, that the relationships themselves never lasted longer than 15 minutes. This is why poor Paris should give herself at least 2 years with whoever her newest fiance is. This isn't so that she can make the right choice. The 2-year window is for the gentlemen to get a Reality Check about the girl who's rocking their diamond rings.

3- "I will not date ANY more Greek shipping heirs."

Paris should learn by now that those lovely Greek boys only like to play with her. Poor Paris Latsis (her last fiance) had a time convincing his parents that Miss Hilton was anything more than a Hollywood plaything. Stavros Niarchos, former Mary Kate Olsen beau was no different. It's obvious that as much as Paris likes her Greeks (or their money)—the Greeks only like her [body.]

4- "I will feed Nicole."