The Gnome King

Our story takes place in a storm drainage pipe on the outskirts of Oklahoma City, 1938. In that pipe there lived a large colony of rats that wanted a king to reign over them and lead them to greatness. Even though their aspirations were high, they had one major handicap. They were very stupid. For instance, they would try to read books, and end up gnawing on them. They would collect food, but would end up getting poop on it. So the council of elders drew up a petition and held meetings to select one of the rats to be their leader. Problem was, none of them would volunteer, knowing that failure meant death in nasty ways.

One day a passing gnome (named Jerome) heard of their plight, and decided to investigate. He was two feet tall and almost that much around the middle. Looking at him you might think he was a very rich, distinguished gnome by the way he dressed and carried himself. There was an air of dignity that filled his being and gave others confidence in him. Jerome approached the council and offered to be their leader on two conditions. First, he said, they must pretend to understand him when he spoke gibberish. Secondly, they must all try and get along with each other better than they were. In return he would make them all rich and famous and happy.

The rats thought this was a great idea, and an easy road to success. Gnomes were rather rare, after all, and probably good luck.

Jerome called a meeting of all the rats, and when everyone was settled in, he began to speak. "Greetings, Rats. I am Jerome, the Gnome King." He started to twitch a little, but kept speaking in his loud clear voice. "As your appointed leader I have a plan to make you a great nation of rats. First of all, we are going to... (Insert nonsense gibberish here)!" He paused and watched them closely. The rats looked puzzled but paid close attention nonetheless, having agreed to follow along.