The Three Pigs' Dilemma

Once upon a time there were three pigs that lived securely in their nice brick home at the edge of the spooky forest. Life was good for Mr. Pig, who worked at the foundry, and Mrs. Pig who spent her days looking after 'baby' and tending the garden she planted each spring. But things are seldom as they seem. Seriously, things are very seldom as they seem.

One July morning as they were eating a nice breakfast of leafy vegetables and insect parts in a nice wine vinaigrette dressing, the family heard a distant growling that became louder and louder. Mr. Pig left the table, family in tow, and went to the picture window. Looking out, they beheld a large brown bear galloping towards their home. Mr. Pig, whose name was 'Rambler', immediately bolted the doors and locked the windows, and then they took baby and locked him in the hall closet for safety. Rambler and his wife, named 'Moppet' waited in apprehension, watching the big bear approach. "Goodness!" they exclaimed together. They wondered if the bear had eaten yet that day and sincerely hoped that he had.

The bear stopped at the door, knocked, and asked with a smile, "Anyone home?" Rambler and Moppet decided to keep quiet. The bear pounded at the door and shouted, "Any bears home? Hey in there!" He was clearly becoming angrier by the moment. He sincerely believed that another bear lived there and was determined to confront it.

"Open this damn door now, I want some answers!" he bellowed.

It seems that the bear had found out earlier that his mate had run off with another bear and he thought that they had come to this remote house to 'grizzle' each other, as he called it. (Grizzling is fun but it is very personal, and not for kids.) The bear went to the window and peered in, but couldn't see much of anything. He retreated a bit, and then charged at it, smashed through the glass, and entered with a crash. Rambler and Moppet started freaking out and ran to the bathroom and locked the door. With nothing else to do, they spent the next hour making love and remembering the good old days.