10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Sen. John Kerry

I have already done a list of resolutions for President George W. Bush, now here's the list for his 2004 opponent and 11th cousin, Sen. John Kerry:

10. The first, and most obvious resolution is for Sen. Kerry to follow the time honored tradition of keeping a low profile after a loss such as the one he suffered in 2004 and leave any criticism of the victor to the leaders of his party until closer to the next election. Granted, there are plenty of things to criticize about the present administration, but he should leave it to Harry Reid or other leaders in the Senate for another year or so.

9. If running for President in 2008, and it looks like he is, put up the windsurfing gear until after the election. Nothing says out of touch Northeastern elitist like those pictures of Kerry performing his favorite activity. All the late night comedians had a field day with those photos in 2004.

8. No matter how obnoxious certain news outlets or reporters are, Kerry should resolve to ask his wife Teresa, to please not tell said reporters to "shove it" on camera. If a Republican wife such as Lynne Cheney does something like that, the RNC spin machine says they are "spunky". If a Democratic wife does it, it's "bitchy", and the networks blithely go along. Don't ask me why, it's just thay way.

7. Learn the names of famous places or people in "flyover country". The gaffe when John Kerry referred to the football stadium in Green Bay, Wi.as "Lambert" Field, instead of Lambeau, as any football fan knows, made Kerry the butt of many jokes and portrayed him as, you guessed it, an out of touch Northeastern elitist.

6. If Sen. Kerry intends to court the good ol' Boy vote in the South and Midwest, by all means, resolve to talk about hunting deer, quail, even squirrel, but not woodchucks, for gosh sakes.

5. Resolve to stop making contorted statements such as the now infamous "I actually voted for that...before I voted against it". Is any explanation really needed? We already had a President who seemingly speaks English as a 2nd language.