10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Mark Foley

With New Year’s Day around the corner, many people set forth in search of self improvement and make resolutions. There are people out there who need so much improvement that the task of making resolutions seems to be an unattainable goal. Mark Foley is such a creature. Being a charitable sort of gal, I figured I would throw him a list of 10 New Year’s resolution suggestions tailored made just for him to help him on his personal quest for self improvement.

Resolution One

I will cancel my AOL account and I will not use AOL products. Mark Foley’s time on AOL was an exercise in self destruction. Since AOL was the means of his moral fall, it would be best for Foley to ditch his instant messaging habits. Resolving to kick the AOL habit would do wonders for Foley.

Resolution Two

I will not talk to teenagers. Mark Foley suffers an inability to distinguish proper conversation topics verses improper conversation topics while speaking to teenage boys. This whole thing can be avoided by not speaking to teenagers at all. Resolving to avoid talking to teenagers will keep Foley’s nose clean.

Resolution Three

I will not drink. Mark Foley admitted that alcoholism had a hand in his torrid conversations with male pages. By resolving not to drink, Foley will have the mental capability to make better choices.

Resolution Four

If Foley should slip on resolution three, it is imperative that he sticks to resolution four: Do not compose emails or instant messages while under the influence of alcohol. Nothing good can come from typing up a short message while tanked. Once an email or instant message is sent, there is no sure fire way of taking it back.

Resolution Five

Never leave a paper trail or electronic trail. If Foley had said his sweet nothings in person, there never would have been any substantial proof. He would still have a kick butt job as a congressman; and he still would have appeared kosher. This resolution will prevent any future social blunders from being document-able.