Free Gasoline Coming!

Payback for the Loyal is on the Way

Struck by their diminishing regard in the eyes of American consumers, several of the World's largest and most profitable oil companies have decided to reward those of us who bought the big gas-guzzling trucks, SUVs and Hummers by giving out over 10 million gallons of gas this year.

It is their hope that this 'gift' will reaffirm their historically lovely, trusting and supportive relationship with America's driving public and especially with those vehicle owners who swallowed the whole caboodle, hook-line-and-sinker, and spent their hard earned cash on vehicles getting something less than 10 miles per gallon.

Earlier this summer, the little referenced and not commonly known WOOCKIES (the World Organization Of Cultivating and Keeping Incredibly Expensive Suckers), engaged the services of one of America's most esteemed public relations firms, The Republican National Committee, to help plot a strategy to separate itself from the bad karma having been generated by the administration of George w. Bush and by the transcontinental price gauging at the pump that is so severely impacting the sales of Detroit's most asinine technological foray in the past century - gas guzzling over-size, over-weight vehicles.

The plan is pretty straight forward and is being, naturally, subsidized in full by the auto manufacturers and the US Government. The governmental contribution to this 'give away to the loyal' is being funded by yet another raid upon the Social Security Fund. This strategy has worked very nicely for them in the past and is expected to fly, with all but the most token opposition, through both houses of Congress.