Resolutions for Bill Cosby - from a Concerned Student

Dear Dr. Cosby:

I'm often told that I have to respect my elders, especially those whose records show that I must, at some point, aspire to their goals. You, sir, are the epitome of the American Dream: you're funny, intelligent, and loved by more people than I could ever hope to be. New Year's is around the corner, Dr. Cosby; and since your doctorate has been very clearly been put to heavy use over the years, I thought that I, merely a student of our times, could try and help you with the time honored tradition of the New Year's Resolution. Please take these suggestions as a good teacher would: lessons from a student that has taken your teachings to heart.

1. Have Leonard, Part 6 and Ghost Dad erased from all national and cultural records.

As a valued educator, I'm sure you understand the value of a good movie. Dr. Cosby, these two abhorrent excuses for family film-making sometimes make me forget that you were once the dashing lead in I Spy or the wise-cracking partner in Uptown Saturday Night. In fact, those two miserable excuses for films should have been shelved as soon as they were done in the editing bay. I wonder sometimes whether your producer thought that your television audience had been caught by your nine-year streak as America's favorite doctor and simply couldn't bear the thought of you either a) an international spy, or b) dead. In any case, it's probably within your best interests to help the country forget that you allowed yourself to be filmed doing these two monumental wastes of celluloid.

2. Renew the contract with Jell-O
The years my generation spent trying to emulate your imitable voice as you talked us into eating Jell-O! Oh, Dr. Cosby, I can't tell you how many summers I spent begging my mother to give me another one of those vanilla and chocolate-swirl pudding pops! Alas, they seem to have left the stores. . . or maybe I outgrew them? In any case, I'm sure that a proper word from you would send them back into production.

3. Buy back all rights to the Fat Albert franchise.