My Daughter's Haunting Eyes - Life Lessons from Domestic Violence

His legs straddled my chest as his hands cupped my throbbing neck. My head was cracking against the floor. Twenty-five years later, the sole haunting memory of that moment was not of my abuse or abuser. I remember my 5 year-old daughter's big round eyes. They penetrated me as she stood like a toy soldier - clinging onto her 4 year-old brother's sweaty hand - as they stood silently, watching me.

I don't mean to minimize how my son must have felt. As the years have past I know only too well how my tattered life as a young mom stripped him of a normal childhood (if there really is such a thing as a "normal childhood"). To this day he struggles to reconstruct some semblance of normalcy after years of fighting for his own chance at life. However, at that moment when my daughter's eyes met mine, I was yelling. No. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, pleading, "Help me! Mija, call for help!" (Mija means daughter in Spanish).

My little girl with her brown braided hair mustered up all the strength that she could and did the only thing that she knew how to do…she yanked her little brother's hand and pulled him towards her as they disappeared down the hallway. Their little pajamaed feet melted into the darkness of the back bedroom. And then, I heard a "click" as the door locked.

My feelings were so mixed up. I was grateful they were safe. I was bleeding. I was in pain. I also felt even more vulnerable, helpless than I had been just a few moments before.

Reflecting on my then sorry state, I now regretfully admit that I felt abandoned by them. My children.

Oh I was so wrong. Shame on me!

Flight or Fight

They never abandoned me. My children did the very best they could with the ability they possessed. You know what it is called - the "Flight or Fight Syndrome." My children fled. They ran for cover to protect themselves. They were smart enough to do what I couldn't do for myself.

How is that for a life lesson?

It took me almost ten years to figure out that I had to leave that abusive relationship. No more beatings. No more verbal abuse. No more emotional abuse.