Why I'm Queer

Recently I had the experience of someone on an online community being shocked that I choose to use the word "queer" to describe myself having heard it before only in the context of a slur. In explaining it to her, I realized there might be other people, especially those who are straight, who might want or need more information about why I prefer to be called queer over gay, lesbian or bisexual.

Since I have had relationships with both men and women, let's start with bisexual. What's the problem there? Well, a few things. First, I don't personally believe that there are two genders. Gender in my mind is a continuum (for a sloppy metaphor think of a dimmer switch instead of a standard light switch). Additionally, because I have many friends who are transsexual or intersexed, it strikes me as disrespectful to choose to use a word to describe myself when that word implies that people like them don't exist. Finally "bisexual" is a label that to too many ears describes who I go to bed with, as opposed to who I fall in love with, as such I view bisexual and a word that is incomplete at best.

The word lesbian doesn't really work for me either, in part because I have also had relationships with men. But additionally the word lesbian reinforces an all too frequent divide found in the queer community between gay men and gay women. I dislike the idea of their being separate terms for homosexual men and women, because it isolates our communities from each other - something that I feel is harmful both socially and politically. Additionally, I find lesbian has an unfortunate history as a word used to dismiss women, whether they are women loving women or not, as either ugly (anyone who went to all all-girls school knows exactly what I mean here) or irrelevant.