Black (Friday) Sheep: We Follow the Siren Song of "Sales" Off to the Shearing Shed

'Twas the day after T-day, and all through the land,
The people were shopping for every known brand.
Commercials that blared all week long on TV
And ads in the papers enticed them to see
Those deep-deep discounts and bargains they'd get
When the stores opened - while the dew was still wet,
At seven - no six! - no five! 'neath parking lot lights.
You'd best get there early or camp overnight.
So, stuffed with turkey, potatoes and pies,
They hit Circuit City for great midnight buys.
By three in the morning, they must leave that store
To line up at Target or K-Mart by four.
Those discounters open at six o'clock sharp,
And only the early-birds get the big carts.
Employee shills ("We're off work today.")
Stand first in line, and have much to say:
"Only one set of the three sets of doors
Will be opened at six, so if you want to score
That TV or toaster or child's rocking horse,
Get in line, keep your place, 'cause the guards will enforce
The order in which all the shoppers arrive."
Late-comers who "bump" just may not survive.
Weary waiters will turn upon late-sleeping fools
And call on the guards to enforce all the rules.
But if you're compliant and stay in the line,
That pre-dawn bargain will make you feel fine.
Never mind that it costs the exact same at noon,
Or even next week. For you know that quite soon
The marketing masters, obeyed, let you sleep
…'Til they herd you again like dumb, docile sheep.


I confess. I attempted shopping on Black Friday. I hadn't shopped on the Friday after Thanksgiving for more than a decade. Completing all my holiday shopping before I eat the turkey is one of the things I'm always thankful for. I am oblivious to the onslaught of marketing that accosts us in every medium. Okay, not oblivious. I hate it. Actively. I cannot imagine many people succumbing to its blatant chicanery. I believed that the annual news coverage of dazed but earnest shoppers huddling in the cold at bizarre hours awaiting a store opening was vastly exaggerated by the media cynically serving the interests of its advertisers. Apparently my imagination was misinformed.