Happy Feet: Contender for "Worst Movie of the Year"

Ususally, I wait until January for every bomb to go off in the theater before I pick a winner, or rather loser, to receive my vote for worst movie of the year, but I don't think I have to this time. Happy Feet is so far ahead of the competition for the Roberto Benigni trophy (also known as the Pincocchio) that it's not even funny, just like the movie.

First a little background though, for this award and for those who aren't familiar with the awful Pinocchio rehash. A few years ago, Roberto Benigni, the crazy Italian actor and director, created the most expensive foreign film ever produced. That film, a re-imagined Pinocchio, starred him as the wooden puppet and was narrated by one of the guys from Detroit Rock City. If you think it's creepy that a fifty-year-old man is playing Pinocchio then you're: A.) Not a fan of Michael Jackson and B.) Obviously able to see the tip of the ice turd that is this film. Thankfully, it was one of the biggest bombs of 2002, meaning not many people saw it.

I have no desire to relive the whole film. Let's just say that after I watched it I pitched a clipboard at the screen and rattled off nothing but curse words for almost two days straight over the Christmas holiday. Easily the worst film I've ever seen. Or ever will.

It pretty much ruined Benigni's career and made a lot of people reconsider the Oscar he received for, Life is Beautiful. They should have taken it and beat him to death with his own statue, but that would require admitting to having seen that trainwreck on film.

The guy that did the narration, I won't even acknowledge his name, was never going to work again, so Hollywood sent him to McDonald's. Little known fact, when bad actors go off to die, they're made into McRibs. That's why they're available for a limited time only. Enjoy the cast of Happy Feet while you can. With a Coke.

Anyway, since that Christmas, it's my tradition to award a movie that is so God-awful it should never be seen by another person, and should end careers, a Pinocchio. To give you a sense of what I'm looking for, here are some that would have been, or were, past winners:

Carrot Top's, Chairman of the Board

Catwoman

Battlefield Earth