Once your children have gone off to college or rented their first apartments, you might think that your job as a parent is over, but that isn't always the case. Experts estimate that at least 20% of children who move
away will one day wind up back in the parents' home, which means that you should prepare for that eventuality. If your kids move back home, you'll have to readjust just like you did when they first move out. Following is a parent's guide to dealing when your kids move back home.
When Your Kids Move Back Home: Set the Ground Rules
While you always want to provide a home for your children, their moving back should not be unconditional. As a parent and as an adult, you will (and should) have certain expectations for your kids. For example, if you want your kids to pay rent, the amount should be established before they start moving in the boxes. Further, you should set rules regarding guests, coming and going and cleaning up the house. This doesn't mean you have to be a dictator, but things will go better if everything is decided up front.
When Your Kids Move Back Home: Ask About Future Plans
My sister moved back in with my parents six years ago as a "temporary" fix to a financial problem, but I believe she'll be there the rest of her life. Although you want to provide a place for your children to come home, you should also be looking out for their well-being. Everyone should get out on their own eventually, so talk about future plans. Is this a situation that will last a year? Two years? Five? It's a good idea to find out.
When Your Kids Move Back Home: Give Them Space
It might be difficult, but you have to realize that your child has been living on his or her own for several months or years and is used to the freedom he or she enjoyed. Be respectful of that while still requiring your children to follow your rules. As long as they are checking in and coming home on time, give your children room to breathe. Only step in when there is a significant problem or when you notice self-destructive behavior.
When Your Kids Move Back Home: Set Up a Meeting Date
When Your Kids Move Back Home: Set the Ground Rules
While you always want to provide a home for your children, their moving back should not be unconditional. As a parent and as an adult, you will (and should) have certain expectations for your kids. For example, if you want your kids to pay rent, the amount should be established before they start moving in the boxes. Further, you should set rules regarding guests, coming and going and cleaning up the house. This doesn't mean you have to be a dictator, but things will go better if everything is decided up front.
When Your Kids Move Back Home: Ask About Future Plans
My sister moved back in with my parents six years ago as a "temporary" fix to a financial problem, but I believe she'll be there the rest of her life. Although you want to provide a place for your children to come home, you should also be looking out for their well-being. Everyone should get out on their own eventually, so talk about future plans. Is this a situation that will last a year? Two years? Five? It's a good idea to find out.
When Your Kids Move Back Home: Give Them Space
It might be difficult, but you have to realize that your child has been living on his or her own for several months or years and is used to the freedom he or she enjoyed. Be respectful of that while still requiring your children to follow your rules. As long as they are checking in and coming home on time, give your children room to breathe. Only step in when there is a significant problem or when you notice self-destructive behavior.
When Your Kids Move Back Home: Set Up a Meeting Date
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- As a parent, you will have certain expectations for your kids when they move back home.
- Be respectful of your child's need for adjustment and try not to "hover" over them.
- Set up a date each week or month when you can get together and discuss the future.
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