The Abandonment of Children by Non-Custodial Parents

Dear Bob. It has been many years since you walked out of my life and the life of your son. It is hard to believe that 18 years have now gone by. Your son, Matthew, is now 20 years old. Actually, he was 20 years old this year in January when he died. I know that you would have liked him, had you stayed in his life beyond his first two years, and so I am writing to share some of his life with you.

I will start with the end. Matthew died from injuries that he received in a car accident this past January, two days after he turned twenty. His car was broadsided by a one-ton pickup truck on that fateful Sunday evening as he drove back to his apartment near the University from my home. The driver of the pickup was drunk.

Matthew was not alone when he died. I had happened upon the accident scene on my way to the drug store that evening after our dinner together. I was with him, holding him as his body grew limp and he took his final breath. He was looking directly at me as he died. I was trying to reassure him in those final moments that he was not alone and it was going to be ok and I believe that he was actually trying to reassure me of the same with his gaze. The rescue workers on the scene tried everything that they could do to save Matthew, waiting impatiently for the helicopter to arrive from the University Hospital Trauma Center, but Matthew had but moments remaining in his life. He is gone now and I miss him dearly.

When I married you, you were my high school sweet heart. I can honestly say that you were my best friend at the time that we married, but I know now that what we shared was not love. Love involves an undying commitment to each other. Love protects, always trusts, always hope and always perseveres. Love does not abandon.

I will never understand how you could walk out on Matthew when he was not yet two years old. He was such a joyful little boy. You and I had our differences and I am at peace with your decision to leave me, but I will never understand how you could turn your back on your son and leave him for all the remaining years of his life. I will also never understand how could reconcile your refusal to support your child financially.