The African Safari Wildlife Park in Port Clinton, Ohio

Before leaving for Port Clinton, Ohio on a short vacation, my husband and I looked up a few of the things to do in the area and ran across “The African Safari Wildlife Park”. It sounded interesting and we vowed to visit on the first day of our trip, even though we were a bit surprised at the African Safari Wildlife’s Park description “you are able to feed the animals from the comfort of your own vehicle and additional buckets of food may be purchased” and they called it a “drive-thru safari”. Could anything be more American? Anyway, the deal was sealed and we purchased out tickets at $16 per individual (there were, of course, two of us) and headed off to see the animals at the African Safari Wildlife Park (which is very close to Cleveland—home of waterways that have tendencies to catch fire because of pollution) and feed them tubs of food from the comfort of our own cars. Finding the African Safari Wildlife Park in Port Clinton, Ohio was very easy. There were signs located on all the major roadways and it was impossible to miss the gaudy signs ushering you into the African Safari Wildlife Park. We were greeted at the gate by a rather sad-looking youth who gave us our “bucket” of food, which actually turned out to be a souvenir cup of little hard brown pellets and told us mechanically to have a good time. We began to wonder if our sixteen bucks might not have been better spent for the first time out of many that were to follow on our journey through the African Safari Wildlife Park. We found out that we could purchase extra cups of food, but declined and waited to see what would happen next. It was at out entrance to the park that we noticed the mini-van ahead of us full of children and we could see them craning their necks out of the window, like hungry little giraffes, to see the animals. We were first greeted by a few dirty, mangy llamas who immediately, like all the other animals at the African Safari Wildlife Park, know that food will be given out and come flocking around the car to stick their maws through your window (which they encourage you to keep all the way down to avoid hurting the animals). Supposedly, the fun part about this “drive-thru safari” is that the animals come up to your car and stick their necks into your vehicle while you feed them pellets from your souvenir cup. We gave out some food to the llamas for a few minutes, but I couldn’t take the way the smelled and I noticed that one of them had a terrible seeping eye infection that looked painful and serious. I rolled up my window and looked ahead at the van full of kids just in time to see a minor catastrophe. I saw a very small hand nervously extend a palm-full of pellets and when the llama went to take it, I heard a bloodcurdling scream and saw pellets go flying. The llama, unwilling to give up his meal, ignored the screaming child and stuck his head even farther into van to get at the food, which caused the parent to roll up the window, thus first choking the llama, then forcing him to pull his head free of the tight glass of the window around its neck. The van full of children seemed to be letting out a collective wail and the brake lights remained on ahead of us as more beasts gathered around them, ignoring us and perhaps, smelling not only pellets, but fear. I began to weep softly and my husband had a look of horror I haven’t seen come over him since a certain April Fool’s Day trick was played on him. I put the souvenir cup full of pellets on the floor and looked for a Kleenex. The van rolled on and we kept the windows closed. For the second time that day at the African Safari Wildlife Park, we began to wonder if our sixteen bucks ($32 all together) might have been spent in other ways. Like say, I don’t know, a donation to PETA or something. We rolled along behind the mini-van, which seemed to have gained more speed, and I looked out the window at the hundreds of animals clustered together in the hot Ohio sun. There were few trees anywhere and aside from the drinking water for the animals, he only bathing water available to cool them off were deep muddy puddles that made them dirty and probably even hotter. The flies were terrible and none of the animals looked healthy—even though they were well fed. Very well fed. Near the end of our short journey through the 100 acre African Safari Wildlife Park (100 acres really isn’t all that big when you try to cram hundreds of animals into it) the mini-van’s occupants seemed to have calmed down enough to start feeding the animals again and we saw a giraffe and a warthog, which was kind of fun, I guess. The kids ahead of us seemed to be having a great time now and I realized that if you don’t think about what you’re seeing—the African Safari Wildlife Park might not be so bad. But now, for the third time, we began to just wish we had never even heard of the African Safari Wildlife Park, never mind the cash. We finished the tour and were herded over to the “Pig Races”. Children ran about excited and red-faced while I, with mascara raccoon-style on my cheeks and a bit of nausea, and my husband walked along to see what the race would be like. Children were encouraged to place bets and my husband pointed to a pig and weakly said with a blank look and shaky voice, “that one”. I did not pick a pig. The Pig Race at the African Safari Wildlife Park was, in a word, medieval. Employees at the African Safari Wildlife Park line up a group of pigs and hold them down until the whistle is blown for the race to begin. The children are awestruck and jump a lot. We watch from a short distance, unconsciously leaning against one another for warmth despite the blazing day. Then, they’re off! Park employees chase after the pigs with white medical looking long paddles and pound their behinds to get them to run. The frightened squeals of the overheated, over-run, and over-fed pigs and the delighted squeals of children come together to form a sound that is at once high-pitched and horrifying. Smack! Smack! The pigs run. We walk away. We want to go home. Shower. Perhaps disinfect. Consult a therapist. Just go. You can’t leave the African Safari Wildlife Park unless you go through the gift shop. Colorful stuffed warthogs and giraffes with beaded pleading eyes, plastic cups decorated with scenes from happy animals doing their thing in a real African setting, giant swirled candy on sticks for $4 a pop. No thanks, where did we park? The African Safari Wildlife Park left me feeling disgusted. However, for kids, it is a fun place to go, I guess. They especially seem to love the sadistic pig races and they liked the peacocks that wander freely around the grounds. They have camel rides as well, which seemed to be the most popular and kids scrambled atop the beasts and waved for the lenses of $400 digital cameras and just felt on top of the world. Fantastic! “Look ma!” The African Safari Wildlife Park in Port, Clinton, Ohio obviously has little regard for the animals they showcase. Although I understand the summer of 2005 has been a dry one in Ohio with little rain, the grass was chewed up everywhere and there didn’t seem to be any left for the animals to graze on. They were entirely reliant on the pellets, which looked to me to be more like rabbit turds than anything halfway nutritious and many of the poor animals had infections of the skin that I could see from several feet away—as if they had been chewing at their own skin (which animals do when they’re under a lot of stress). The muddy water pools and preponderance of flies and other insects was appalling and not a since one of the animals looked healthy or happy. They come to car with an air of desperation, heaving and flapping thick slobber into your lap and cup-holders and all in all—this was perhaps one of the most disturbing tourist sites I have ever visited. No, not perhaps. It was by far the most disturbing. My husband and I went back to our bed and breakfast and cuddled in a fetal position in front of the TV after two very long showers. We flipped to the Discovery channel just in time for a show depicting gazelles and zebras. We watched silently for a few moments, looked at each other, and let out a simultaneous sigh.