The Psychology of Romance

The Essential Elements of Creating a Relationship

What draws people together? What makes any two human beings become friends or more than 'just friends'? Is it random? Is it fate? Do you have complete control over who you choose to befriend and who you'd rather not associate with? Read on for the psychological details on what makes a relationship happen. If you're hoping to get a foot in the door with that special someone, these basic facts could give you a head start!

Basic Facts
The people you start relationships with go through a process of 'screening', so to speak. Some of these screens are controlled by you and some are mere accident. For the sake of this article "relationship" shall be defined as any interaction

The First Screen: Proximity
Basically how physically close you are to someone makes it more likely for you to interact. This fact is pretty logical. The more you see someone the more likely you are to interact and form a relationship with them. So, if you're really shy and not quite confident enough to really get going on a relationship just make a point of bumping into them or frequent places they visit often. Just be careful it doesn't turn into stalking.

The Second Screen: Physical Attractiveness
This screen is to some extent controllable by you and to some extent God-given. It also depends somewhat on what the other person thinks is attractive. The part that you can control is basic hygiene and just taking a few extra minutes every morning to primp and look your best. It's also been shown there is some extent there's a matching of physical attractiveness that occurs in relationships, i.e. you start relationships with people who are on your same plain of attractiveness. Theoretically it is the fear of rejection that causes this and it's a rather shallow fear so you if you feel that you're avoiding talking to someone because they're "out of your league", just remember that it's pretty much a shallow, unfounded fear and you should go for it.