Dating: A Good Man is Easy to Find If You're a Good Woman

Some say a good man is hard to find. I disagree. I believe there are lots of good men around but we don't know how to recognize them. We allow that flutter in the pit of our stomachs to dictate. If he looks good or has that special something that gets our attention, we're hooked. We wait by the telephone, call up our girlfriends and dream about seeing him again. So much invested so quickly and we don't even know him.

I recall a talk show featuring Greg Behrendt, the author of He's Just Not That Into You. He said something that hit me right between the eyes. "Maybe we need to define what a 'good man' is," he interjected after hearing a woman in the audience defend the integrity of her man. A man, I might add, who had strung her along for years knowing she wanted a commitment but refusing to oblige.

If you were to ask a woman what she wanted in a man, you'd get various answers customized to her unique needs, desires and wants; but there are commonalities regardless of race, creed or color. Let's say them together: Someone who cares about me, someone who I can be myself with, someone who puts my needs above his own, someone who respects my opinion, someone who compliments me (or is it complements me?), someone who is attentive, someone who is romantic and affectionate, someone who makes me laugh, someone who is sensitive - all of which are admirable qualities.

Even the woman on the talk show reflected on her man's great qualities which were almost word for word what women want. "He's my best friend," she explained. So, what was missing? What was the source of her discontent? For most single women--and married women for that matter--the complaint is he won't commit. We all want proof that we own our man's heart.

He might be ever so caring when we're together, but those moments are rare as he always has to work. Or maybe what was seen as attentive early on is now distastefully suffocating. You can't go anywhere without him. And if a man looks at you twice, he begins that alpha male act. He complains about the time you spend with your family and friends. Causes me to wonder if what attracts us at first is truly what we need over the long haul.