Mensa High IQ Society, How to Take an IQ Test and Become a Member

Listen, I'm incredibly intelligent. I've been told I'm the smartest person that everyone knows. I know trivia and english, I know incredibly obscure trivial facts that only help in games. What I need to know is how to take the patterns and word math problems. I was always horrible at word problems, and the patterns swim before my eyes when I look at them. Can you help me? Anyone? Open to honest and blunt criticism...even if you share my doubt of how smart I really am. Someone said I was smart enough to be in Mensa... and I don't know but I'm earnest and willing to try.