Maria Roth
Total page views: 38,962
Published Content: 75
Fans: 124
On AC since: 07.27.08
Bio:
Fav foods: Popcorn, cashews, cheesecake
Fav author: Jane Austen
Fav people: My husband and children (and Conan O'Brien)
Why you should be jealous of me: I am double-jointed in both thumbs, I live in Kansas, I'm tall, and I'm modest (and brilliant).
Fav foods: Popcorn, cashews, cheesecake
Fav author: Jane Austen
Fav people: My husband and children (and Conan O'Brien)
Why you should be jealous of me: I am double-jointed in both thumbs, I live in Kansas, I'm tall, and I'm modest (and brilliant).
Education/Experience:
B.A. in English/Creative Writing from University of Kansas
B.A. in English/Creative Writing from University of Kansas
Interests:
Reading, writing, humor, word games, puzzles, movies, baking, vegetarian cooking, Guitar Hero, Rock Band, weird news, parenting
Reading, writing, humor, word games, puzzles, movies, baking, vegetarian cooking, Guitar Hero, Rock Band, weird news, parenting
Motto:
Why not?
Why not?
Showing Results 1 - 75 of 75
Today is our last full day in Estes Park, Colorado. All the hiking we did yesterday in Rocky Mountain National Park didn't kill us, so let's go back for more! We'll explore Sprague Lake and Dream Lake.
By Maria Roth | Published 6/30/2009 | Read more »
Scenic, winding Bear Lake Road leads us through a lovely Aspen and pine forest, all the way to the Bear Lake Trailhead at the end. Now we're ready to do some fun, "easy" hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park!
By Maria Roth | Published 6/23/2009 | Read more »
I'm tired of waiting for the sun to come out and ready to take a tour of The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park. It's supposedly haunted, you know, and, even cooler than that, it's the hotel that inspired Stephen King to write The Shining!
By Maria Roth | Published 6/18/2009 | Read more »
Join me and my husband as we explore the Denver Museum of Nature and Science, shop at the Target in Boulder, and crash at Mary's Lake Lodge in Estes Park, Colorado!
By Maria Roth | Published 6/11/2009 | Read more »
My husband and I just got back from Colorado two days ago. Join me as I recount my road trip from Kansas City to Limon, Colorado, stopping at Abilene and Goodland, Kansas, along the way! How exciting!
By Maria Roth | Published 6/8/2009 | Read more »
These AC writers regularly induce dangerous paroxysms of laughter.
By Maria Roth | Published 5/29/2009 | Read more »
A lot of American soldiers are blogging. Whether they blog to relieve stress, or to let friends and family know how they're doing, or to keep a record of every day spent away from home, soldiers have a lot to say. And I am listening.
By Maria Roth | Published 5/28/2009 | Read more »
For weeks, AC Sources have hesitated to click the "publish" button. "Will this article index on Google? Will my subscribers be notified when my article is published?" we wonder. If only we could track down the person responsible for these glitches...
By Maria Roth | Published 5/20/2009 | Read more »
Coldplay is one of my favorite bands. Here are my top ten Coldplay songs.
By Maria Roth | Published 5/15/2009 | Read more »
When I was a kid, I loved summer. Swimming! No school! A family vacation! A later bedtime! It didn't get any better than that. But now that I'm a mom, I have a very different understanding of what summer means.
By Maria Roth | Published 5/11/2009 | Read more »
I recommend all three of these popular fantasy series: J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter, Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, and Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials. But which is best? Let's compare them on the Scale of Awesomeness!
By Maria Roth | Published 5/6/2009 | Read more »
Kansas City is a great place to throw a memorable birthday party for your child. This article compares five popular children's birthday party venues in the Kansas City area.
By Maria Roth | Published 4/28/2009 | Read more »
Based on a true story. Detective Mom to the rescue!
By Maria Roth | Published 4/28/2009 | Read more »
A list poem, chock full of ideas for poems that will earn you a gazillion page views... if you're daring enough to write them. To all those struggling AC poets out there: This poem is for you.
By Maria Roth | Published 4/20/2009 | Read more »
"My Last Meal." If you think I'm leaving this Earth with a belly full of vegetables, you're sadly mistaken. This butterfly cinquain celebrates my favorite junk foods, and has nothing to do with butterflies.
By Maria Roth | Published 4/16/2009 | Read more »
ADAM LAMBERT...Oh, how I love thee...Let me count the ways. Oops. This is supposed to be an acrostic poem. Okay. I can do that, too. Adam Lambert ROCKS!
By Maria Roth | Published 4/15/2009 | Read more »
Dear Mr. Easter Bunny...Are you real? Why are you so fat?
By Maria Roth | Published 4/10/2009 | Read more »
I LOVE the 80's! Here's my poetic jog down memory lane--back to the time when Michael Jackson and Michael J. Fox were the coolest dudes on the planet.
By Maria Roth | Published 4/8/2009 | Read more »
Starring Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, and the New Judge, Kara Dingledoo (or whatever her name is)...and David Copperfield! A typical, shocking "American Idol" Results Show from the future.
By Maria Roth | Published 4/3/2009 | Read more »
I'm a clever, funny person, but my attempt to come up with a creative, original April Fools' Day article has left me feeling very unclever and very unfunny. Here are all my April Fools' Day article ideas that I shot down.
By Maria Roth | Published 3/31/2009 | Read more »
A poem about my struggle with "The Evil Perfectionist" within me. How do I make this guy go away?
By Maria Roth | Published 3/28/2009 | Read more »
I was never entirely comfortable with the "Content Producer" label, but I find myself squirming even more now that I must pretend I'm a "source" of "valuable information." I am no such thing, and AC should know better!
By Maria Roth | Published 3/22/2009 | Read more »
Special, Free Mother's Day Gift Ideas; Fun Gifts for Mom, Priced $20 or Less! Make this Mother's Day extra-special with these gift ideas. Some of these Mother's Day gifts won't cost you anything except time and creative effort.
By Maria Roth | Published 3/20/2009 | Read more »
The two classic poems I have chosen to review here, in honor of National Poetry Month 2009, are quite short, painless, and perfect: Walt Whitman's "O You Whom I Often and Silently Come" and "When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer."
By Maria Roth | Published 3/13/2009 | Read more »
An interview with Donald Pennington is the solution to all your AC-related woes! Or not. But it sure is fun! Read about my recent interview experience here.
By Maria Roth | Published 3/6/2009 | Read more »
Have you verified your AC account yet? Why not? Don't you like getting paid? (The AC Verification Officers are nice guys. Really.)
By Maria Roth | Published 3/4/2009 | Read more »
Dance, Pizza Man, Dance! Play That Pepperoni Pizza Guitar! The Little Caesar's Pizza shops in Johnson County, Kansas, have sunk to a new low in "live sign-holder" advertising.
By Maria Roth | Published 3/2/2009 | Read more »
Take this silly quiz to see how you compare to previous American Idols. Do you have what it takes to be the next American Idol? Of course not! But it's fun to pretend...
By Maria Roth | Published 2/27/2009 | Read more »
My 7-yr-old son has taken prescription Singulair to treat his asthma and allergies for the past 5 years. This article details Zachary's experience with asthma and Singulair.
By Maria Roth | Published 2/24/2009 | Read more »
Mario and Kathie Lee host the 2009 "Miss Supermom USA" Pageant!
By Maria Roth | Published 2/19/2009 | Read more »
PepsiCo began introducing its new logos in October 2008. Now Pepsi has also tinkered with the Mountain Dew logo and the PepsiCo-owned Tropicana carton designs. WHY? Are these changes worth the $1.2 billion price tag?
By Maria Roth | Published 2/16/2009 | Read more »
How can I possibly read all these articles AND leave comments AND write my own articles? Help me! I have severe AC Subscription Overload!
By Maria Roth | Published 2/10/2009 | Read more »
Pepsi kicked Budweiser's butt in the 2009 Super Bowl commercial "funny" department, while the overhyped 3-D ads for SoBe and "Monsters vs. Aliens" were major disappointments. Here are my picks for the best and worst 2009 Super Bowl XLIII commercials.
By Maria Roth | Published 2/2/2009 | Read more »
20 words. Happy Valentine's Day to Zach and Audrey! Love, Mommy
By Maria Roth | Published 1/28/2009 | Read more »
Looking for the perfect way to say "I love you" to your girlfriend or wife this Valentine's Day? I've done most of the work for you. Just fill in the blanks for a unique, personalized poem sure to please your sweetheart.
By Maria Roth | Published 1/22/2009 | Read more »
My friend, Michelle, dissed Ryan Seacrest last year, before it was the "in" thing to do, long before Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie decided to blatantly ignore the "American Idol" host.
By Maria Roth | Published 1/13/2009 | Read more »
Part 7: Princess Laurel. Who is this nasty one-eyed fairy? Will she help Seamus, Heather, and George...or turn them all into squeaky blue slorgs?
By Maria Roth | Published 1/12/2009 | Read more »
Warning: This article contains lots of spoilers and irreverent observations about all four books in Stephenie Meyer's TWILIGHT series. Do you suffer from vampire-envy? Maybe this will help.
By Maria Roth | Published 1/5/2009 | Read more »
Mommy's midday shower. The kids haven't figured out how to pick the lock on the bathroom door yet, thank goodness.
By Maria Roth | Published 12/31/2008 | Read more »
"Part 6: Seamus' Golden Underwear" answers that age-old question: How do I wake up an elf prince who's been drugged with dragon tranquilizers?
By Maria Roth | Published 12/28/2008 | Read more »
He is my chosen writer. I am his most devoted reader. This is even better than 900 trillion page views. This is true love. If only J.J. realized how much he needs me.
By Maria Roth | Published 12/16/2008 | Read more »
A Christmas poem. My wish list is simple. Please don't give me any more perfume or knick-knacks this Christmas...PLEASE!
By Maria Roth | Published 12/9/2008 | Read more »
"Part 5: The Bridge of Melancholy Grompers" ...The dirt beneath their feet grew moister with every step. Soon they were trudging through mud, pushing through a warm, thick fog, inhaling nothing but the Grompers' rotten fish stench...
By Maria Roth | Published 12/4/2008 | Read more »
"Ninja Warrior" is a very entertaining, family-friendly show that airs on G4 weeknights at 6:30 PM ET. This article lists the obstacles in each of the four stages of Ninja Warrior and includes links to video clips of the show.
By Maria Roth | Published 12/2/2008 | Read more »
"Fitting Room Intelligence, Etiquette, aNd Decency": A humiliating, life-altering quiz. A must-read for anyone who works in a department store. Required reading for anyone who tries on clothes in fitting rooms--this article could save your life!
By Maria Roth | Published 11/26/2008 | Read more »
Bat Canary started this crime thriller. Here is my attempt to add a new dimension to the main character. Some drama. Some tension between Anna and Rhodes McLellan, the reporter who knows more about the most recent murder than he lets on...
By Maria Roth | Published 11/21/2008 | Read more »
"Part 4: In Search of a Good, Raunchy Joke" Legoless reveals the secret of safe passage across the dreaded Bridge of Melancholy Grompers--a good, raunchy joke. But Seamus doesn't know any good jokes! What will he do?!
By Maria Roth | Published 11/18/2008 | Read more »
"Part 3: A Fellowship of Freaks" Smoke some bubbleweed, chew some Hoar hare jerky, and hold on to your silvercockles! Seamus and Heather are not alone in the James Woods...
By Maria Roth | Published 11/11/2008 | Read more »
Don't get me wrong. I love AC. Seriously. But I think we could all use some cooler "Assignments." Here are ten Assignments (formerly called "C4C's") that will truly inspire you.
By Maria Roth | Published 11/8/2008 | Read more »
"Part 2: A Night in the Ghastly Belly of James Woods"...The barbarians who wanted to behead Seamus were too drunk to walk in a straight line, but they'd still managed to sniff out the elf and young woman's trail, with much cursing and axe-clashing...
By Maria Roth | Published 11/4/2008 | Read more »
"Part One: Barbarian Surprise"
...Seamus was immune to spells cast by cute maids' butts. Dragonelf blood flowed through his veins. Aidan Dragonelf, the rightful king of Poshollow and the Talking Trees, was his father; Dreamweaver was his sword...
By Maria Roth | Published 11/2/2008 | Read more »
I don't have writer's block. I don't believe in writer's block. I have lots of other excuses for not writing today. Here they are, in a poem. (See? If I really had writer's block, I wouldn't be writing poetry.)
By Maria Roth | Published 10/28/2008 | Read more »
These Christmas gifts--all $10 or less, no batteries required--will make the children on Santa's "nice" list smile. Why not plan a fun day with the special children in your life this holiday season? Here are some ideas!
By Maria Roth | Published 10/24/2008 | Read more »
Powerplay Family Entertainment Center in Shawnee, Kansas, is my voting location. Jealous? You should be!
By Maria Roth | Published 10/22/2008 | Read more »
Mothers of Obnoxious Candy Hoarders (M.O.O.C.H.) met on October 17th in Shawnee, Kansas, to prepare for Halloween.
By Maria Roth | Published 10/20/2008 | Read more »
YoVille is a fun virtual world, similar to Webkinz, for teens and adults. I have played around in YoVille on Facebook for several months now, and recommend YoVille to other Facebook users.
By Maria Roth | Published 10/18/2008 | Read more »
Before you tie the knot with a man who daydreams about lightsaber duels, wears Boba Fett T-shirts, and has a dog named "Salacious Crumb," here are some important things to consider.
By Maria Roth | Published 10/17/2008 | Read more »
A spine-tingling tale of love, loss...and unique garage-sale purchases.
By Maria Roth | Published 10/9/2008 | Read more »
5 things I do that may or may not contribute to my skinny physique, plus a short discussion of how Rhonda Byrne's THE SECRET may help people lose weight.
By Maria Roth | Published 10/8/2008 | Read more »
A Halloween poem dedicated to moms like me who don't have the time or the talent to make our children's Halloween costumes.
By Maria Roth | Published 10/7/2008 | Read more »
Written by a six-year-old. Too heartwarming not to share!
By Maria Roth | Published 9/29/2008 | Read more »
This didn't go the way I planned. At least Michelle got to see my hot neighbor almost-naked.
By Maria Roth | Published 9/27/2008 | Read more »
Mr. Cheese has earned a special place in my heart...and stomach.
By Maria Roth | Published 9/24/2008 | Read more »
School pictures: the cheesy smiles, the bad hair, the zits; the precious, precious memories!
By Maria Roth | Published 9/23/2008 | Read more »
4 non-partisan (not!) poems, in haiku form
By Maria Roth | Published 9/19/2008 | Read more »
What on earth am I going to do with all these condiment packets? Maybe I can contribute some of them to Chris Harne's Condiment Packet Gallery!
By Maria Roth | Published 9/19/2008 | Read more »
"Katie had always wanted to date a vampire." Eat your heart out, Edward Cullen! D.J. Chattingswallow, Jr. is the new vampire stud in town!
By Maria Roth | Published 9/12/2008 | Read more »
How to make sure your child with strabismus and/or amblyopia (lazy eye) wears his/her eye patch as prescribed
By Maria Roth | Published 9/11/2008 | Read more »
Microscopic, internal food teleporters and more!
By Maria Roth | Published 8/29/2008 | Read more »
"Grown-up" me, home with the kids--another haiku.
By Maria Roth | Published 8/26/2008 | Read more »
Food cravings, a messy roommate, dull homework, a distinct lack of boyfriends...No wonder nineteen-year-old Rebecca is pondering cannibalism.
By Maria Roth | Published 8/14/2008 | Read more »
"Father Ryan was no ordinary priest." Thus begins Daphne's Sweet Secret, by Michelle Grebo.
By Maria Roth | Published 8/13/2008 | Read more »
31-year-old moms CAN rock out on Guitar Hero! Don't be shy, ladies! Admit it--you love this game just as much as I do!
By Maria Roth | Published 8/1/2008 | Read more »
Caroline is still recovering from a bad break-up, and calls her best friend, Emily, in the middle of night.
By Maria Roth | Published 7/31/2008 | Read more »
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