Frank Mucci
Living in McHenry, IL
Total page views: 45,476
Published Content: 86
Fans: 51
On AC since: 11.19.06
Bio:
I use writing as an outlet for the crazy demons that reside in my head. Fortunately, there are a few demented folks out there who are amused by my stuff--some of which have been published in three volumes of "America's Funniest Humor."
I use writing as an outlet for the crazy demons that reside in my head. Fortunately, there are a few demented folks out there who are amused by my stuff--some of which have been published in three volumes of "America's Funniest Humor."
Education/Experience:
4-year Degree in Nothing Useful
4-year Degree in Nothing Useful
Motto:
Be the Ball
Be the Ball
Affiliations:
Showing Results 1 - 86 of 86
Any idiot who made it through grade school knows all the basic facts about the Declaration of Independence. Here are some little known facts.
By Frank Mucci | Published 7/3/2009 | Read more »
Presidents aren't the only members of American politics who have been caught planting their seeds in someone else's garden.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/24/2009 | Read more »
Here for your enjoyment is a list of some of the most distinguished residents of the White House and the special ladies who helped them bring a whole new meaning to the words "domestic affairs."
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/19/2009 | Read more »
Read this and you'll see that Congress liked to go on-and-on with rambling amendments that were no doubt designed in a manner to keep the American people from knowing what the hell the bastards were up to.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/15/2009 | Read more »
As thanks to those of you who have helped get my byline into the consciousness of more readers, it is time for me to plug it forward--OK, it's technically backward, but you get the idea.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/10/2009 | Read more »
Without rights America would be nothing more than Mexico with safe drinking water and cooler weather.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/7/2009 | Read more »
I have put together a list of the most commonly asked questions along with answers that will surely help you see why I am never again allowed to enter a confessional or dip my fingers into holy water.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/1/2009 | Read more »
I have accumulated a large pile of crap in the corner of my brain that needs to either be tossed out or sold in a garage sale. Here are a few items going real cheap.
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/28/2009 | Read more »
Here's the latest list of turds who need to be flushed down the crapper of life.
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/18/2009 | Read more »
This handy Q & A should answer any questions you may have about what is likely to be the deadliest disease to hit the world since the Bird Flu epidemic a couple years ago that killed a shitload of birds.
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/11/2009 | Read more »
Some individuals engage in activities that better represent the teachings of Christ than the actions of many of those who call themselves Christians. One of these individuals is my wife.
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/9/2009 | Read more »
It has officially been 100 days since I declared the beginning of the rest of my life. It is time to take a look back at the first 100 days of the rest of my life.
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/2/2009 | Read more »
I don't know a goddamn thing about Texas. As a result, this article will be nothing more than just a few made up questions with made up answers that may or may not be somewhat accurate.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/29/2009 | Read more »
I know a thing or two about pretending to know how to pick up chicks.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/15/2009 | Read more »
I know probably as much about Cinco de Mayo as anyone else who likes to make up crap and publish it as if he were an expert.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/14/2009 | Read more »
There is a general assumption that a writer can write anything. Not true.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/7/2009 | Read more »
I have compiled some of the most often asked questions about Noah's Ark with answers that will surely help you see that Mother Goose has nothing on the Big Guy in the Sky.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/1/2009 | Read more »
To reward ourselves for years of fidelity, my wife and I recently decided to allow each other a freebie list of five celebrities we are allowed to sleep with. Here is my list...
By Frank Mucci | Published 3/28/2009 | Read more »
The beautiful thing about banging away at a keyboard is that I am able to be whoever I want to be.
By Frank Mucci | Published 3/18/2009 | Read more »
I continue to come across obnoxious turds who make me want to throw the remote through my TV screen.
By Frank Mucci | Published 3/16/2009 | Read more »
Read this and you'll be armed with enough knowledge about the environment to piss off your friends who will begin referring to you as "that goddamn, tree-hugging pain-in-the-ass."
By Frank Mucci | Published 3/10/2009 | Read more »
No one better understands what America is about than Tony Montana. Work hard and smart and you will be rewarded with more symbols of wealth than you really need.
By Frank Mucci | Published 3/9/2009 | Read more »
I am normally a mild mannered man, but thanks to television, my patience is wearing thin and my hatred for certain individuals grows stronger each day.
By Frank Mucci | Published 2/24/2009 | Read more »
I know a thing or two about the one day each year everyone pretends there is something special about being Irish.
By Frank Mucci | Published 2/12/2009 | Read more »
It is highly unlikely that any decade in American history ever produced more objectionable clothes, hairstyles, music, or home decorating than the 1970s.
By Frank Mucci | Published 2/8/2009 | Read more »
As a service to any of you unfamiliar with The Lord's 12-headed band of crazy followers, I have compiled and answered some of the most often asked questions about these mysterious fellows.
By Frank Mucci | Published 1/23/2009 | Read more »
I have compiled some of the most often asked questions about Valentine's Day by some of the dumbest men in the world.
By Frank Mucci | Published 1/21/2009 | Read more »
My wife's list of pet peeves is not terribly unusual; she has the same annoyances as most anyone else. It is her reaction that I find both amusing and at times a little unsettling.
By Frank Mucci | Published 1/12/2009 | Read more »
As part of my continuing "What is it and Where did it Come From?" series, I will attempt to educate you the reader about these two mysterious places.
By Frank Mucci | Published 1/9/2009 | Read more »
I have put together some of the most commonly asked questions about New Year's Day along with answers that hopefully will clear up some of the mystery.
By Frank Mucci | Published 12/28/2008 | Read more »
I consider myself fortunate to count Sarah Palin as one of my closest friends. Here for your enjoyment are her 2009 resolutions exactly as she related them to me.
By Frank Mucci | Published 12/26/2008 | Read more »
We have been treated to some rather memorable Super Bowl halftime moments. Here are some of the best.
By Frank Mucci | Published 12/11/2008 | Read more »
Not to be outdone by Oprah, I will now share with you a list of those things that I have come to value more than my booger collection.
By Frank Mucci | Published 12/3/2008 | Read more »
As a service to you, I would like to take this time to make up answers to some of the most often asked questions about Thanksgiving.
By Frank Mucci | Published 11/25/2008 | Read more »
I have pretty much tossed the Ten Commandments aside and replaced them with my own set of rules.
By Frank Mucci | Published 11/12/2008 | Read more »
As a bona fide heterosexual who inserts flap A into slot B anytime my wife lets me, I realize that there is something special about a relationship between two people who have absolutely no idea what the other one is thinking.
By Frank Mucci | Published 11/8/2008 | Read more »
As I sit here, tears falling on my keyboard, a lump in my throat, I would like to take a few moments to say goodbye to The Divine Sarah.
By Frank Mucci | Published 11/4/2008 | Read more »
The '60s and '70s, in particular, represent an era when songs about guys driving trucks and talking on CB radios were all the rage. Here are just a few of the suckiest...
By Frank Mucci | Published 10/28/2008 | Read more »
Following in the footsteps of such prominent Republicans as Colin Powell, Christopher Buckley and Susan Eisenhower, John McCain has officially announced that he is throwing his support to Democratic candidate Barack Obama.
By Frank Mucci | Published 10/22/2008 | Read more »
Here is a quick lesson on how to judge people without having to deal with the whole "listening and paying attention to them" thing.
By Frank Mucci | Published 10/15/2008 | Read more »
Pardon me if I sound pissed, but I just found out that I have been cheated on.
By Frank Mucci | Published 10/13/2008 | Read more »
I hope you can hear the anger in my voice when I say that I have had enough of this Sarah Palin person!
By Frank Mucci | Published 10/12/2008 | Read more »
What is up with this blue state and red state crap they always talk about around election time?
By Frank Mucci | Published 10/9/2008 | Read more »
I sincerely doubt that the Cubs will ever win a championship in my lifetime; and because of this, I have become a bitter, cranky, old man.
By Frank Mucci | Published 10/6/2008 | Read more »
I watched with expectations of some wonderful angry-chick-on-angry-chick action. No such luck.
By Frank Mucci | Published 9/26/2008 | Read more »
Here are the answers to some of the most commonly asked questions about the home of Sarah Palin.
By Frank Mucci | Published 9/17/2008 | Read more »
She nearly had me. Then I came to my senses.
By Frank Mucci | Published 9/3/2008 | Read more »
Today, I found a reason to be happy about the selection of Sarah Palin as John McCain's running mate.
By Frank Mucci | Published 9/1/2008 | Read more »
Here are 15 quotes from three of my favorite cartoon characters. Your mission is to match each quote with the one who said it.
By Frank Mucci | Published 8/30/2008 | Read more »
Some of the most popular songs of the 1960s involved teens splattered across America's highways. Here are just a few...
By Frank Mucci | Published 8/20/2008 | Read more »
As November nears, many voters are asking themselves, "Who's this McCain guy, and why the hell should I vote for him?" Here are ten reasons why.
By Frank Mucci | Published 7/29/2008 | Read more »
I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to interview both Senators McCain and Obama and would like to share that interview with you.
By Frank Mucci | Published 7/15/2008 | Read more »
When one of your heroes ceases to exist; it is hard to "think funny."
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/24/2008 | Read more »
As a man in his mid-fifties, I thoroughly enjoy making fun of old people.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/19/2008 | Read more »
If you are tired of giving Dad the same old crap year-after-year, here's some other crap you can get him.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/9/2008 | Read more »
Seems we Americans just can't get enough of watching other people play cards.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/5/2008 | Read more »
The list of nutcase Christian ministers is endless, so I have narrowed it down to ten of my favorites. See which of these fine gentlemen will win the coveted Jerry Falwell Crazy-Assed Christian Award.
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/30/2008 | Read more »
Because I just can't help myself.
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/22/2008 | Read more »
As our long national nightmare slowly winds to a close, let's take a fond look back at the eight-year funfest that has become better known as the presidency of Dumb-Ass.
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/13/2008 | Read more »
You never know when the doctor will somberly tell you, "Better get your shit together buddy. You're going bye-bye."
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/30/2008 | Read more »
There are way too many songs with dumb lyrics to go through them all. But here are a few that make me want to hunt down the dimwits who wrote these songs, grab them by the throat, and smack the crap out of them.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/22/2008 | Read more »
Questions. I've got lots of questions.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/17/2008 | Read more »
Dirty is in the ear of the beholder.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/15/2008 | Read more »
Details of an affliction every man is familiar with.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/2/2008 | Read more »
An appreciative look back at an era when the social climate and popular music were united as one.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/1/2008 | Read more »
The men running the show have messed up the game of baseball. Time to clean it up.
By Frank Mucci | Published 3/26/2008 | Read more »
I was born with a gift. I can see the future and what I see for the 2008 baseball season should make it one of the wildest years ever. Clip and save.
By Frank Mucci | Published 3/21/2008 | Read more »
Love has no boundaries. It requires no explanations. It is intangible, yet real. And it waits on no one.
By Frank Mucci | Published 3/8/2008 | Read more »
A comprehensive ranking, top to bottom, of the leaders of The Free World.
By Frank Mucci | Published 2/9/2008 | Read more »
Here is a ten-item list of important things to remember when creating a ten-item list.
By Frank Mucci | Published 1/31/2008 | Read more »
The Super Bowl is usually dominated by big name stars; but sometimes it is the no name guys who make the biggest impact.
By Frank Mucci | Published 1/23/2008 | Read more »
She is sweet, adorable and compassionate. She is Ann Coulter. I am lying.
By Frank Mucci | Published 1/19/2008 | Read more »
With Martin Luther King Day approaching, it is time to take a look at the outstanding oratorical style of Dr. King.
By Frank Mucci | Published 1/11/2008 | Read more »
A personal list of the top ten Beatles songs of all time.
By Frank Mucci | Published 9/8/2007 | Read more »
Now that we've wallowed through all the boring stuff, let's close out with a bang!
By Frank Mucci | Published 8/18/2007 | Read more »
We humans are filled with organs.
By Frank Mucci | Published 7/28/2007 | Read more »
Without a nervous system, we humans would be rendered even more useless than we already are.
By Frank Mucci | Published 7/8/2007 | Read more »
Without muscles, we humans would be nothing more than skeletons covered in skin. Kind of like Nicole Richie.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/22/2007 | Read more »
The human anatomy is made up of lots of stuff. The stuff that keeps us from melting into a big pile of goo seems pretty important, so let's start there.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/15/2007 | Read more »
It's easy to come up with a list of bad things about the President. Me? I like a challenge.
By Frank Mucci | Published 6/2/2007 | Read more »
The season finale of ABC's popular TV drama Grey's Anatomy has but one message: If you want a happy relationship, don't be on this show!
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/21/2007 | Read more »
Baseball, football, basketball, hockey, and soccer dominate the landscape of American team sports. Baseball is the greatest of them all. Here's why.
By Frank Mucci | Published 5/1/2007 | Read more »
The Virgin Mary has a habit of showing up in unusual places. Here is one man's investigation into a couple of modern miracles.
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/25/2007 | Read more »
Some people seem to think dying is not such a bad thing as long as it happens while you are engaged in your favorite pastime. Some people are stupid!
By Frank Mucci | Published 4/25/2007 | Read more »
No doubt the cave man that learned how to produce an alluring rhythmic sound by pounding on his chest got all the hot cave babes. This article takes a look at some of today's top musicians and the women they have managed to lure into their caves.
By Frank Mucci | Published 3/25/2007 | Read more »
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