Jason Love
Living in Port Hueneme, CA
Total page views: 30,367
Published Content: 93
Fans: 21
On AC since: 01.19.07
Bio:
Jason Love syndicates a weekly humor column, "So It Goes," and a daily cartoon called "Snapshots."
"So It Goes" recently won an award from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, second place in humor to W. Bruce Cameron, best-selling author of "Eight Simple Rules f
Jason Love syndicates a weekly humor column, "So It Goes," and a daily cartoon called "Snapshots."
"So It Goes" recently won an award from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, second place in humor to W. Bruce Cameron, best-selling author of "Eight Simple Rules f
Education/Experience:
UC Santa Cruz, English
UC Santa Cruz, English
Interests:
Performing standup comedy.
Performing standup comedy.
Affiliations:
Jason Love's Favorites
None yet.
None yet.
Showing Results 1 - 93 of 93
So while I teach Yahaira the ropes -- er, net -- I take pains to be gentle. She is, after all, wielding a racquet.
By Jason Love | Published 4/27/2009 | Read more »
At Taft Skydive, it was literally raining men. They reminded me of the G.I. Marine Force Paratrooper that I owned as a kid. His chute would open about half the time, a percentage that seemed suddenly unacceptable.
By Jason Love | Published 4/22/2009 | Read more »
With this performance, Jason Love advances to the next round of Uncle Clyde's Comedy Contest at the Ice House in Pasadena, California.
By Jason Love | Published 3/24/2009 | Watch here »
I wondered why the woman beside me had shown up in curlers. Did bingo catch her unawares? I mean, at that point you may as well carry a toothbrush.
By Jason Love | Published 3/2/2009 | Read more »
"One day you'll go to leave a room and the TV will stand up tall like Julius Caesar and say, 'Don't you give your back to ME!'"
By Jason Love | Published 2/23/2009 | Read more »
"There was no time to sightsee, though, because I was having a near-death experience called Driving in the DR. I'm just saying that the country could benefit greatly from painting lines on the road..."
By Jason Love | Published 2/23/2009 | Read more »
I had one of those dads who'd practice his swings in public. Sometimes baseball, sometimes golf. Once in a while he'd shoot a free throw. As a kid, all you can do is hope that no one is looking. I'm just glad that he wasn't into gymnastics.
By Jason Love | Published 2/13/2009 | Read more »
Remember the show "Eight Is Enough"? Eight children is not enough; it's way too friggen many. I live by a dock where every day new cars, still in their wrapper, drive off the boat and into gridlock. That's their first experience in the U.S.
By Jason Love | Published 2/13/2009 | Read more »
I used to be so normal. I spat and surfed and used dirty socks for oven mitts. Now when I vacuum, I back out slowly so as not to disturb the carpet triangles. When buddies use the bathroom, I say, "You didn't pee standing up, did you? It splashes."
By Jason Love | Published 2/13/2009 | Read more »
Max weighs five pounds -- half a bowling ball -- but barks like he's been dipped in the river Styx. He chases passers-by with the illusion that somehow, someway, he will finally render them extinct.
By Jason Love | Published 2/13/2009 | Read more »
"Captain Phil waved me over to House Three. I looked around to make sure he wasn't crazy. Yes, he nodded, come on up. Did I mention that the house next-door was on fire?..."
By Jason Love | Published 12/3/2008 | Read more »
Best-of collection of comics, including Jason Love.
By Jason Love | Published 10/20/2008 | Watch here »
"At Ralphs aisle 10 is dedicated to Feminine Needs and Incontinence. Um, cleanup ... aisle 10 ... anyone? ... Darcy, I think it's your turn..."
By Jason Love | Published 10/13/2008 | Watch here »
"And how come there's a section of cards for New Babies? Do babies come some other way?"
By Jason Love | Published 9/30/2008 | Watch here »
I get weird around the whole court situation. "Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" I'd be like, "So help me, which god?"
By Jason Love | Published 9/26/2008 | Read more »
"No, I distinctly said that if you mow the lawn, you can *halve* your allowance. That's why we ask for things in writing."
By Jason Love | Published 9/8/2008 | Read more »
I myself am not a fan of the wind. To me, wind means fussing with your hair or chasing down papers or that you're in Chicago. Wind stripped the leaves from my patio plant: It killed an artificial tree!
By Jason Love | Published 7/31/2008 | Read more »
I had a few things working against me. One, I am skinny; two, I'm white; and three, my HMO is so weak that it covers only an apple a day.
By Jason Love | Published 7/11/2008 | Read more »
I'm not cut out for dating anyway. I was married so long that now I'm like an animal raised in captivity -- unfit for the wild. Do you still show up with a corsage?
By Jason Love | Published 7/1/2008 | Read more »
On Thanksgiving we sit down to pumpkin-shaped name cards and a brick of homemade fudge. When Mom says it's from scratch, she means growing the flour, churning the butter, personally laying the eggs...
By Jason Love | Published 6/17/2008 | Read more »
"Thank you for calling the I've-Been-Scammed Hotline. The cost of this call is ten dollars a minute. A specialist will be with you in a while."
By Jason Love | Published 6/4/2008 | Read more »
"People spend so much time fighting colds. If we're not bouncing back, we're trying to "feel ourselves" again. I was raised to not feel myself, but the point is ..."
By Jason Love | Published 5/29/2008 | Read more »
We plan to see a game in person someday. It won't matter who's playing; we'll be talking grass stains, cup sizes, why they call it a "strike" when a batter misses the ball...
By Jason Love | Published 5/27/2008 | Read more »
"A seagull's opinion of you is based largely on whether you're holding food, which includes bread, items that look like bread, and small, bread-like pets..."
By Jason Love | Published 4/16/2008 | Read more »
"Why is milk four bucks a gallon? Does the President have stock in that too?"
By Jason Love | Published 4/9/2008 | Watch here »
My Sam likes to sniff his butt -- and you would too if you could -- but when he looks up, he's got this crazed expression like he's sniffing a totally different kind of crack. I asked a local vet what it meant and he said, "How should I know? I fought in a war."
By Jason Love | Published 4/4/2008 | Read more »
When "Last Comic" held auditions in Tempe, the men's bathroom flooded with comedian discharge (40% alcohol by volume). I have it on good authority that the toilet actually devoured a local ventriloquist. The last thing he heard was, "Feeed me, Seymour."
By Jason Love | Published 3/28/2008 | Read more »
"Alarm, n. 1. Sudden fear caused by the portent of danger. 2. The first thing we hear every ... single ... morning.
For my birthday I got an alarm clock that sings, "Waking up is hard to do." As if we didn't have reason enough to hate Neil Sedaka..."
By Jason Love | Published 3/24/2008 | Read more »
You can almost hear the violets gossip at night: "Can you believe he left Sylvia for dead in the planter? Talk about bad feng shui. Hey, did you fart? It smells beautiful."
By Jason Love | Published 2/25/2008 | Read more »
"I was married for almost 13 years. Not all to the same woman, but the point is that before rushing into marriage you should consider some kind of formal training. I recommend a degree in abnormal psychology..."
By Jason Love | Published 2/25/2008 | Read more »
"So I went down and bought some of that 'no chew' spray, which makes the plants taste bad. And the side of the container read, 'Does not cause stinging like other leading products.' And I thought, No, I want stinging. I want stinging and burning ... I want to see smoke coming out of his ears. Chew on my lucky bamboo plants..."
By Jason Love | Published 2/22/2008 | Watch here »
"Does the remote control go inside the dinner knife or outside the soup spoon?..."
By Jason Love | Published 2/22/2008 | Watch here »
"I always thought that jury was something you could politely decline ... like fruitcake."
By Jason Love | Published 2/22/2008 | Watch here »
"On Valentine's Day, Lexus suggested that a man buy for his wife a luxury automobile. For the same woman who forbids him to buy the expensive tuna..."
By Jason Love | Published 2/22/2008 | Watch here »
"I moved to Oxnard a few years ago, and man, I miss ... English."
By Jason Love | Published 2/22/2008 | Watch here »
"You ever get so wasted that the next morning you have to go through your receipts to see where you've been..."
By Jason Love | Published 2/22/2008 | Watch here »
" I think we're all crazy in our own way. So I'm not looking for somebody who has no baggage; I'm looking for somebody with matching baggage..."
By Jason Love | Published 2/22/2008 | Watch here »
"And yes, we call it a walk even the batter jogs to first base and becomes a runner..."
By Jason Love | Published 2/11/2008 | Watch here »
Jason Love shares about his interracial marriage and getting lost in the Hispanic culture.
By Jason Love | Published 2/11/2008 | Watch here »
"I had never been a Boy Scout. If Dad wanted to show me the outdoors, he had to strap a TV to his back. So when I found a tree whose branch formed a perfect toilet, I didn't consider that it might be crawling with poison oak ..."
By Jason Love | Published 1/3/2008 | Read more »
When did we all go to food prison anyway? Special K wants us to pinch ourselves, and Grape Nuts' new motto is, "Why diet hungry?" (to replace their old motto, "Why eat gravel?")
By Jason Love | Published 12/14/2007 | Read more »
"It's a little-known fact that the person who coined the phrase "mind over matter" died of a Brazilian bikini wax. I've endured broken bones, carpentry stabbings, a bee sting that made my lip look like Meg Ryan's -- none of it prepared me."
By Jason Love | Published 11/12/2007 | Read more »
Jason Love gets stuck in Philadelphia without I.D., without money, without social skills.
By Jason Love | Published 11/2/2007 | Read more »
"I merged into traffic so hairy that people were actually backing off the freeway. And while I myself suffer from gridlock claustrophobia, once you're physically on the freeway ... that's pretty much a done deal. Do not pass Go; do not collect $200."
By Jason Love | Published 11/2/2007 | Read more »
Syndicated humorist Jason Love takes on the L.A. Auto Show.
By Jason Love | Published 11/1/2007 | Watch here »
Syndicated columnist Jason Love clear-cuts Alabama and Georgia.
By Jason Love | Published 11/1/2007 | Watch here »
"Children may as well play frisbee in a giant ash tray. DRESSED IN THEIR UNDERWEAR!..."
By Jason Love | Published 10/19/2007 | Read more »
Humor columnist Jason Love retakes the SATs and revisits old teachers.
By Jason Love | Published 10/18/2007 | Watch here »
Jason Love steps into the ring with a 56-and-0 Junior Golden Gloves champion.
By Jason Love | Published 10/18/2007 | Watch here »
Jason Love reviews cutting-edge pet products, including a canine tooth brush, which Jason samples on his own teeth.
By Jason Love | Published 10/18/2007 | Watch here »
Syndicated humor writer Jason Love shares the ins and outs of interracial marriage and speaking two languages at the same time. "It's like when you listen to a song on the radio but keep getting that interference from the Spanish station..."
By Jason Love | Published 9/30/2007 | Read more »
"I just ate pie. Specifically, *a* pie..."
By Jason Love | Published 9/25/2007 | Listen here »
"Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands; cats are smart enough to ignore them..."
By Jason Love | Published 9/25/2007 | Listen here »
Syndicated humor writer Jason Love talks to veteran club owner Keith Dion about what it takes to keep a comedy club alive. "It's like running a marathon, only instead of people handing you Gatorade, you occasionally get hit by a 2X4."
By Jason Love | Published 9/22/2007 | Read more »
If dating is a like a job interview that lasts all night, then speed dating is like a job fair. You've got five minutes to cover your resume. "Yes, I was with Tracy from April to July ... Why did we break up? ... I'm afraid she was downsizing..."
By Jason Love | Published 9/16/2007 | Read more »
"Slow down before you fall and crack your skull. You know how much that would cost?"
By Jason Love | Published 9/9/2007 | Read more »
"Ladies: Men spit. It's a biologically encoded function like puberty and celebrity drug addiction..."
By Jason Love | Published 8/7/2007 | Read more »
"Remember that woman's eyes when we asked about security?... What about the open gate?... Do you suppose Velma and Scooby are okay?"
By Jason Love | Published 7/30/2007 | Read more »
"Goals will be worth 50 points each ("final score: Wizards 2,000 - Galaxy 550")..."
By Jason Love | Published 7/9/2007 | Read more »
To defend against Gift Guilt, I now carry presents in my car. Maybe that's how Santa got started -- toting gifts around until he finally said, "To hell with it. There will be one day a year when everyone gets a present ... if they're good."
By Jason Love | Published 6/28/2007 | Read more »
Can you see the poor doctor over the microscope? "1,634... 1,635... wait, did I count that one?"
By Jason Love | Published 6/14/2007 | Read more »
Jason Love finds out what it's like to be bald in all the wrong places.
By Jason Love | Published 6/11/2007 | Listen here »
Even our love life suffered my grousing. During sex I would always start in: "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
By Jason Love | Published 5/23/2007 | Read more »
"Why do they call it a strike when the batter swings at the ball and misses?"
By Jason Love | Published 5/11/2007 | Read more »
My wife and I are shooting for a baby. Only problem is that I am shooting blanks..."
By Jason Love | Published 5/8/2007 | Read more »
"We charged forth like Children of the Corn shooting everything but the lizards, Montague versus Capulet, Hatfield and McCoy. Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. Oh, the humanity!"
By Jason Love | Published 5/4/2007 | Read more »
"The pregame show begins three weeks before kickoff, when neckless men begin diagramming plays..."
By Jason Love | Published 5/4/2007 | Read more »
"Month 5: Tattoo taking on moth-eaten appearance. Should disappear by the time I'm 652..."
By Jason Love | Published 4/26/2007 | Read more »
"The wrinkles on my forehead have gotten so bad that pug dogs feel sorry for me."
By Jason Love | Published 4/26/2007 | Read more »
"I didn't actually, officially catch any fish, but I did avoid falling into the ocean, which is more than anyone expected."
By Jason Love | Published 4/26/2007 | Read more »
"Gimme a question," said Yahaira. "Any question." "Okay: Who are you and what have you done with my real wife?"
By Jason Love | Published 4/16/2007 | Read more »
"Football games would never end on a field goal... Boot would rhyme with foot ... O.J. Simpson would have married Lorena Bobbitt..."
By Jason Love | Published 4/14/2007 | Read more »
"What we could really use is Garanimals for Men: Giraffe tops with giraffe bottoms, lion belts with lion shoes..."
By Jason Love | Published 4/14/2007 | Read more »
Costs include, among other things: box, litter, scooper, liner, cover, filters, designated dust-vac; wet food, dry food, nibble treats, bowls, and specially formulated kitten milk...
By Jason Love | Published 4/14/2007 | Read more »
Humor columnist Jason Love takes on the world's tallest, fastest, longest flying coaster. Gulp.
By Jason Love | Published 4/14/2007 | Read more »
Even the Buddha would -- chirp chirp -- go -- chirp chirp -- INSANE!
By Jason Love | Published 4/11/2007 | Read more »
"Joey started to convulse in a way that made you look around for an ambulance"...
By Jason Love | Published 4/4/2007 | Read more »
Cars that run on water? Where we're going, you won't need ... roads.
By Jason Love | Published 4/3/2007 | Read more »
How else do you explain the spelling of grammar and the pronunciation of colonel?
By Jason Love | Published 4/3/2007 | Read more »
"You're going to be all right," he told the plant. "The stalk is overrated anyway."
By Jason Love | Published 4/1/2007 | Read more »
It started early, when Jason Love kept his mother in labor so long that they finally came after him with tongs.
By Jason Love | Published 3/30/2007 | Read more »
What is it like to really, truly live out your dream of being a clown in the circus? Jason Love can tell you.
By Jason Love | Published 3/30/2007 | Read more »
Uncoordinated man risks humiliation, and all for the pheromones.
By Jason Love | Published 3/28/2007 | Read more »
Jason Love stumbles out of massage and risks a DUIM -- driving under the influence of massage.
By Jason Love | Published 3/24/2007 | Read more »
"Maybe it would be easier if we were peforming some function like churning butter and generating electricity..."
By Jason Love | Published 3/22/2007 | Read more »
A simple virus definition update turns into a reboot fiasco.
By Jason Love | Published 3/21/2007 | Read more »
Before you vaporize your coworkers, read this.
By Jason Love | Published 3/21/2007 | Read more »
A feng shui expert sees bad things for humor columnist Jason Love.
By Jason Love | Published 3/19/2007 | Read more »
Why is there boxing at the Goodwill games? How come psychics never win the lottery? What do you call a fly with no wings -- a walk? These are but some of the important questions raised by former one-liner comedian Jason Love.
By Jason Love | Published 3/19/2007 | Read more »
Why are donuts acceptable breakfast food, but not, say, cheesecake or cotton candy? Find out from a guy who will start the day with anything up to and including Toxic Waste-e-o's. Frosted.
By Jason Love | Published 3/19/2007 | Read more »
Syndicated humor guy Jason Love finds out what all the snobbery is about. His favorite: Any wine that tastes like Kool-Aid.
By Jason Love | Published 3/9/2007 | Read more »
Syndicated humor columnist Jason Love ventures into the jungle of Puerto Vallarta armed only with shots of tequila.
By Jason Love | Published 3/6/2007 | Read more »
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