H. Martin Moore

The relentlessly hip's insatiable search to be "au courant" with pretentions like feng shui and doga...as if bondage to the latest fads and their nerdy cousins, electronic gadgets, was somehow worthy of emulation.

32 states get more in fed. aid than they pay in inc. taxes; 21 of them the very states where the babble about socialism and secession is playing out. Let 'em secede! See how they'd fair without the evil federal government subsidizing their butts.

If our beef with Iran is that it destabilizes the region, stokes Islamic radicalism and produces recurring violence, how is Israel's aggressive policy of encroaching upon UN-mandated Palestinian territory any less so?

The essential ability of an advanced civilization is exploiting its wealth to enrich people's lives instead of remaining mired in 18th century mercantilism that rewards only the rich and powerful.

For reasons of legal or political coercion or simply social stigma, cons and the white working class dolts who listen to themcan no longer spew actual racial bigotry so they've invented this nonsense called "reverse discrimination."

The brewing controversy over the assisted suicides pits religious thugs, law enforcement and healthcare muckity-mucks against seniors, families and the terminally ill for whom the right to die is a real issue and not merely theological rigmarole.

One can never be too safe. Time was that not playing with sharp sticks or diving into strange bodies of water and avoiding old men with candy pretty much took care of our safety requirements. But today, it's become a full time job.

"Health plans agree that providing access to health care coverage to all Americans should be our nation's number one domestic priority... " If you will, let's peek behind the curtain for a moment to find out what the fuck Karen Ignagni is talking about.

Speaking out against injustices shouldn't bring an invitation to "love it or leave it." Speaking out -- and peacefully demonstrating -- may just be among the most loving and patriotic things any of us can do.

Welcome to the Luuuve Master. This week's topic deciphering all those oblique codes on Internet dating sites. Female: "Desires man who enjoys quality time at home and is open to new experiences." CODE: I have five children and can't leave

This decade's all-purpose emolument for screw-ups. Has there been a infrastructure failure, product recall, campus massacre, natural disasters, recession, crime statistic or public policy failure for which that phrase is not applied?

Psychologically damaged goods, they have a pathological reliance on hierarchy, authority, nostalgia, intolerance of change and ambiguity. Before they were pro-life, born-again, anti-immigrant uber-pats, they were hardwired to be cantankerous.

I'm afraid you're a Turkeyneck if the tattoo on your bicep of an eagle riding a Harley now looks like a pregnant duck sitting on a futon with wheels.

President Obama's selection of Sonia Sotomayor for the Supreme Court is bound to bring howls from conservatives. But then Obama couldn't have chosen anyone left of Attila the Hun who wouldn't have evoked the same partisan outrage.

While most Guantanamo prisoners will receive civilian or military trials or be repatriated or released, some who remain a danger to the U.S. will be detained indefinitely. Rachel is aghast. Aghast!

Weddings have the potential to be the most painful of family rituals.(However, the vote from baby Jewish boys is not in.) At christenings, everyone's just so relieved the mother is married, no one dredges up hard feelings. During funerals...

Ooooooooo! Obama to release terrorists where they'll get jobs in munitions factories, grade schools or as BABYSITTERS!!! Quick, hide under your desk. Wait, that was the last war. Oh yeah, duct tape the windows and report unattended packages.

Yep. It's here! The 40th anniversary of Woodstock! Who would have thought those bearded or braless, long-haired, tie-dyed, doped-up 20-something hippies would one day be collecting Social Security and living in 55+ retirement condos in Florida?

Costa Rica! Great marlin fishing; gorgeous scenery; active volcanoes; rain forest canopy tours. Yada, yada, yada. You want to learn more ask a travel agent. Let's face it, what you really want to know about working girls.

Rush Limbaugh is right. Conservatives need Obama to fail miserably if they are to reimpose their malevolent corporate oligarchy based on ravishing the country's resources, exploiting the powerless and living high by strangling the commons of tax revenue.

Web Statistics reports that each month the average surfer spends 25 hours visiting 59 domains and viewing 1,050 pages, allocating 45 seconds for each page. Each session lasts 51 minutes.

Press a guy and he might come up with a name for the girl he took to the senior prom, although he sure won't know the color of her dress. But I'll bet he can describe the car he drove, down to its furry steering wheel cover.

Overdone individuals tend to be super organized, punctual and generally kind of futsy. Underdones are creative, laidback and a little batty. A world of only underdones would be chaotic; a world of only overdones would be boring.

With new illegal settlements blossoming in Efrat and Maskiot and the right-wing Netanyahu-Lieberman government announcing even more incursions into Palestinian Territory, will the Obama administration have the guts to say "Enough!"

Let's reserve "marriage" for a truly spiritual setting, and get Big Brother out of the marriage business altogether. He does it poorly, with no emotion and no real concern for the outcome. That's the venue for contract lawyers not priests.

Everyone knows the first Rule of Holes: Once you're in one, stop digging. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't know there are 12 other Rules of Holes to live by.

The five percent of Americans who will be taxed to help pay for the Obama initiatives to get America back on track are simply paying for the decades of government favoritism that allowed them to pillage our country in the first place. And it's about time!

The latest lib-fad to add to their hair shirt wardrobe is "Compactness," a movement to fight "a rampant disposable consumer culture wreaking global ecological and socioeconomic havoc."

Will a change in apes' legal status require a third bathroom in public facilities, something with stumps and leaves? Or how about public schools? Imagine that flap over bilingual education. Urh. Urh. Cheee. Arrraugh!